Surrogate partner therapy

What is surrogate partner therapy?

Surrogate partner therapy is a treatment for problems with intimacy and sexuality, in which a client practices with a trained surrogate partner under a therapist’s guidance. It is about experiential learning: relaxation, communication, and step-by-step intimacy, for a limited period. The therapist, the client, and the surrogate partner together form a triad.

How surrogate partner therapy works

The therapy teaches intimacy by practicing it, in small steps. According to Medical News Today, medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD, it is a three-way relationship between a qualified therapist, a client, and a surrogate partner: the therapist sets the goals, the surrogate partner guides the client through step-by-step physical and emotional exercises, such as sensate focus, body mapping, and intimate contact. According to Wikipedia, it often runs in phases: first emotional connection, then sensuality, then sexuality if that is needed, and finally closure. Masters and Johnson introduced the approach in 1970 from the idea that you mostly learn intimacy through experience.

What surrogate partner therapy treats

The therapy focuses on thresholds that ordinary talk therapy does not remove. According to Medical News Today, it covers, among other things, sexual anxiety, trauma responses, erectile problems, vaginismus, low desire, a negative body image, and intimacy problems arising from abuse or a disability. For the client it means you have a safe, guided place to practice what is exciting or blocked in real life. What it is not: not paid sex and not an escort service. The difference with sex work lies in the therapeutic intent and the therapist involved, and the treatment is temporary and goal-directed. It is usually used with people without a steady partner, and it deliberately ends with a closure phase, so the course has a clear beginning and end rather than becoming an ongoing relationship. This is a glossary page, not treatment advice.

What surrogate partner therapy is not

“It is an expensive way to buy sex.” No. The core is a therapeutic goal under the guidance of a qualified therapist; without that therapist it is by definition not surrogate partner therapy.

“Anyone can just offer it.” In name yes, because a surrogate partner does not need a degree, but the treatment only counts as such within the triad with a qualified therapist, with screening and supervision through the IPSA.

What I see myself

I am not a surrogate partner, and I am glad this therapy exists, because there are problems that company alone is not enough for. What I recognize from my work is how powerful experience is: some things you don’t learn from a conversation but only by living through them safely. If someone has a real problem, I refer them to a sexologist, who can decide whether a surrogate partner is a fit. I provide attention, not treatment.

Further reading

• Surrogate partner describes the person who helps carry out this therapy.
• Sex therapy is the talk-based treatment that precedes it or runs alongside it.
• Surrogate partner on Wikipedia gives the history and the phases with sources.

Where this fits on this site

I don’t give therapy and I don’t treat problems. What I do offer is company with attention and without judgment. If there is a problem that calls for treatment, that belongs with a sexologist, possibly with a surrogate partner, and I will point you there. If you are simply curious what I do, take a look at my services. If you still have a question, feel free to ask it first. That can be with no obligation.

Sources

• Sex surrogate therapy. Medical News Today, medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD. Provides that it is a three-way relationship in which the therapist sets the goals and the surrogate partner guides the client through step-by-step exercises, which problems it treats, and that the difference with sex work lies in the therapeutic intent.
• Surrogate partner. Wikipedia. Provides the phases of the treatment (emotional connection, sensuality, sexuality, and closure), and that Masters and Johnson introduced the approach in 1970 and the IPSA provides the training.
• Masters and Johnson, Human Sexual Inadequacy, 1970. Provides the basis of the treatment, from the idea that intimacy is mostly learned by experiencing it.

Related terms

• Surrogate partner. The trained professional who helps carry out the therapy.
• Sex therapy. The talk-based treatment this therapy can fit within.
• Sex work. The border area that surrogate partner therapy sets itself apart from through the therapist.
• Sexual healing. The broader recovery after trauma, which this therapy can be a form within.