Glossary
Tertiary partner
In hierarchical polyamory, the partner with the least time and priority.
What is a tertiary partner?
A tertiary partner is, in hierarchical polyamory, a partner who gets less time, energy, and priority than a primary or secondary partner. The relationship is usually fairly loose, with few expectations around emotional or practical support. It is the third and most casual layer in the hierarchy.
| Layer | third, after primary and secondary |
| Marker | little time, little priority, few expectations |
| Usually | fairly casual, little emotional or practical support |
| Falls under | hierarchical polyamory |
How the layers relate
The hierarchy runs from a lot of entanglement to little. A tertiary relationship is one that is fairly casual, expects little emotional or practical support, and is limited in time, energy, or priority. The primary partner has the most entanglement, the secondary sits in between. A tertiary partner counts and is respected, but does not get the priority, and clear agreements about expectations and boundaries matter here.
What a tertiary partner is not
“Tertiary means unimportant.” No. It is about how entangled the relationship is with your daily life, not about how much someone is worth. A tertiary partner can mean a lot to you without your lives being wired into each other. As long as everyone knows the arrangement and stands behind it, there is nothing wrong with the form.
What I make of it
As a gigolo I fit into none of these layers, and I like that. I am not a partner, so not a primary, secondary, or tertiary one either. I am a date you book, with no place in a hierarchy and no claim on the rest of your life. For women who would rather not manage a relationship form for once, that is often exactly the calm they are looking for.
Related terms
- Primary partner. The partner with the most entanglement, at the top of the hierarchy.
- Secondary partner. The layer between primary and tertiary.
- Hierarchical polyamory. The system in which these layers exist.
What is a tertiary partner?
A tertiary partner is, in hierarchical polyamory, the third layer: a partner who gets less time, energy, and priority than a primary or secondary partner. The relationship is usually fairly loose, with few expectations around emotional or practical support.
Does tertiary mean the partner is unimportant?
No. Tertiary says something about how entangled the relationship is with your daily life, not about how much someone is worth. A tertiary partner can mean a lot to you without your lives being wired into each other. What matters most is that everyone knows the arrangement and stands behind it.
Learn more
Prefer a date without a hierarchy?
I'm Victor, a gigolo for women. I am not a partner in any layer, just a date you book. Curious how that works? Feel free to send me a message, I reply calmly.