Stimulating someone’s genitals with the hand or fingers, on yourself or on someone else. In everyday use the word most often refers to a penis, but the act is not tied to one body. On yourself it is called masturbation ; the word for the variant with someone else is handjob.

How common is a handjob?

Almost universal. In a questionnaire among 1,394 women from the kink community, 93.19 percent said they had done it, received it or both; of the twenty-four acts put forward, only cunnilingus scored higher. The roles ran both ways: 83.93 percent did it to a man, 59.61 percent had a man do it to them.

Who can you turn to with questions about handjobs?

With me you can simply ask, including the things you think everyone already knows. If it hurts or coming does not work, that question belongs with your GP; this page explains a term and is not medical advice. You can always write first, and there is no obligation attached.

Close-up of an open book with a pencil between the pages, in black and white

Glossary

Handjob

In Rehor's questionnaire this was the second most common act of all twenty-four. Nowhere, then, is it a minor thing.

What is a handjob?

A handjob (Dutch: aftrekken) is stimulating someone’s genitals with the hand or fingers, on yourself or on someone else. In everyday use the word most often refers to a penis, but the act itself is not tied to one body. Do it to yourself and it is called masturbation.

Dutch term	aftrekken; in research stimulating genitals with hands/fingers
On yourself	then it is called masturbation
How often	93.19 percent of 1,394 women did it, received it or both
Who does what	83.93 percent did it to a man, 59.61 percent had a man do it to them
Why it counts	36.6 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to come during penetration
Related form	milking, where the aim is release and not build-up

How common it is

Of the twenty-four acts Jennifer Rehor put forward, this one sat almost at the top.

In her study of 1,394 women from the kink community, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, 93.19 percent said they had done it, received it or both. Only cunnilingus scored higher.

The split of roles is worth a look. 83.93 percent did it to a man and 47.63 percent to a woman; 59.61 percent had a man do it and 47.85 percent a woman. So it is not an act that runs one way.

Why it’s not a warm-up

Because for a large share of women it is the part that makes the orgasm possible.

Debby Herbenick and colleagues put a questionnaire in Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy to 1,055 American women aged 18 to 94, drawn from a nationally representative panel. 18.4 percent said penetration alone was enough to come. 36.6 percent said clitoral stimulation was needed for that during penetration, and another 36 percent said it was not needed but that it made the orgasm better.

Alongside that, the women reported widely varying preferences for place, pressure, shape and pattern of touch. That is the finding that matters most in practice: there is no technique that works for everyone, and asking gets you further than practicing.

What you can do with this

Say what you want in pressure and pace. That is exactly where preferences in the research vary most.
Don’t treat it as a stepping stone. For well over a third of women it is the condition, not the opening act.
Use lube. It changes what’s possible in pace and pressure, and saves on friction.

If you’d like to put the attention and the pace in someone else’s hands for once, that can be part of an intimate togetherness.

Sources

Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community. Jennifer Eve Rehor, Archives of Sexual Behavior 44(4), 825–836, 2015 (DOI 10.1007/s10508-015-0524-2). Supplies the row “hand job (stimulating genitals with hands/fingers)” from table 8 over the subsample of 1,394 women: 83.93 percent who did it to a man, 47.63 percent to a woman, 59.61 percent who had a man do it, 47.85 percent a woman, and 93.19 percent who did it, received it or both. Full text read via PMC4379392.
Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. Debby Herbenick, Tsung-Chieh Fu, Jennifer Arter, Stephanie A. Sanders & Brian Dodge, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 44(2), 201–212, 2018 (DOI 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530). Supplies the setup (1,055 American women aged 18 to 94 from a nationally representative panel, June 2015), the 18.4 percent who found penetration alone enough for an orgasm, the 36.6 percent who needed clitoral stimulation during penetration, the 36 percent who did not need it but whose orgasm improved from it, and the finding that women reported widely varying preferences for place, pressure, shape and pattern of touch.

Masturbation. The same act on yourself, with the figures and the history of the word.
Milking. The variant where the aim is release and not build-up.
Edging. Stretching out the build-up, for which the hand is the most usual instrument.
Sexual acts. The category above it, with the whole list in order.

Frequently asked questions

What people still ask about handjobs.

What is a handjob?
Stimulating someone’s genitals with the hand or fingers, on yourself or on someone else. In everyday use the word most often refers to a penis, but the act is not tied to one body. On yourself it is called masturbation; the word for the variant with someone else is handjob.
How common is a handjob?
Almost universal. In a questionnaire among 1,394 women from the kink community, 93.19 percent said they had done it, received it or both; of the twenty-four acts put forward, only cunnilingus scored higher. The roles ran both ways: 83.93 percent did it to a man, 59.61 percent had a man do it to them.
Who can you turn to with questions about handjobs?
With me you can simply ask, including the things you think everyone already knows. If it hurts or coming does not work, that question belongs with your GP; this page explains a term and is not medical advice. You can always write first, and there is no obligation attached.

Learn more

Still have questions about what you enjoy?

I'm Victor. In the research, preferences for place, pressure and pace vary enormously, which means asking gets you further than guessing. The same goes for an appointment with me. Feel free to write.

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