Glossary
Worship fantasy
The fantasy where you are the precious one. Not the one who has to perform, and not the one who gets put down.
What is a worship fantasy?
A worship fantasy (Dutch: aanbiddingsfantasie) is the fantasy where you are the one being worshipped: admired, cared for, and declared precious, instead of used or put down. It is the receiving side of worship, and it is about attention that asks for nothing back.
| Dutch term | aanbiddingsfantasie, or descriptively aanbeden worden (being worshipped) |
| Who has the lead role | the receiver, not the person carrying out the act |
| Opposite | degradation and humiliation, where the charge comes from being put down |
| Closest neighbor | a praise kink, which works with words instead of hands |
| How common the receiving side is | 43.40 percent of 1,394 women in a kink sample had a man perform worship on them |
| Where the shame sits | in admitting that you want attention without doing anything for it |
What it looks like
Slow, and with a clear division of roles.
The other person is busy and you have to do nothing. Attention goes to your feet, your hands, your back, your hair, or to one spot you don’t find attractive yourself, and it keeps going for a long time. What sets it apart from simply being pampered is the attitude behind it: the person doing it does it from below.
Where worship is about the act, this is about the seat you sit in. That difference sounds small and does not feel small, because most people have had far more practice at giving than at receiving.
How common it is
More common than the fantasy people show off.
Jennifer Rehor presented 1,394 women from the kink community with 24 sexual acts and asked, for each one, in which role they had experienced it. For worship, 43.40 percent said they had a man perform it on them, and 28.55 percent a woman. The receiving seat, then, is not a rare place to be.
Christian Joyal and colleagues surveyed 1,516 adults from the general population about 55 fantasies and concluded that themes of submission and dominance are simply common in both sexes. Their advice to their own field is useful outside the consulting room: be careful with the label “unusual,” and look at what a fantasy does instead of what it is about.
What you can do with this
- Ask for time, not for an act. Here the duration is the part that works.
- Point to one spot. One part that gets all the attention works better than a little everywhere.
- Notice when you start helping. The urge to do something back is exactly what pulls you out of this fantasy.
Where this fits on this site
Being worshipped without having to give anything back is more uncomfortable for many women than it sounds, and that is exactly why I take my time with it. How I build up a meeting like that is on the page about the BDSM date.
Sources
- Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community. Jennifer Eve Rehor, Archives of Sexual Behavior 44(4), 825-836, 2015 (DOI 10.1007/s10508-015-0524-2). Supplies the two receiving columns from table 8 for a subsample of 1,394 women: for worship (“kissing, licking, smelling, enjoying a specific body part”), 43.40 percent had a man perform it and 28.55 percent a woman. The full text was read via PMC4379392.
- What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? Christian C. Joyal, Amélie Cossette & Vanessa Lapierre, The Journal of Sexual Medicine 12(2), 328-340, 2015 (DOI 10.1111/jsm.12734). Supplies the design (1,516 adults from the general population, 55 fantasies presented), the finding that themes of submission and dominance are common in both men and women and correlate with one another, and the conclusion that caution is warranted with the label “unusual” and that the effect of a fantasy says more than its content.
Related terms
- Worship. The same scene from the other side, with the emphasis on what you do.
- Praise kink. The same effect through words instead of hands.
- Degradation. Its mirror, where the charge comes from being put down.
- Kink. The category this falls under, and what that word does and does not mean.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the worship fantasy.
What is a worship fantasy?
The fantasy where you are worshipped instead of used: admired, cared for, and declared precious, by someone who does it from below. It is the receiving side of worship. What sets it apart from being pampered is the division of roles, because the person doing it asks for nothing back.
What is the difference from a praise kink?
The means. A praise kink works with words, tone, and timing; a worship fantasy works with hands, mouth, and time. They often occur together because both are about assigning value, and both are the mirror of degradation, where the charge comes from being put down.
Who can you ask about the worship fantasy?
With me you can simply ask. This is one of the things women circle around the most, usually because it feels embarrassing to say you want attention without doing anything back. It isn’t. Feel free to write; there are no strings attached and I answer discreetly.
Learn more
Still have questions about being worshipped?
I'm Victor. Taking in attention without doing anything back is harder for most women than giving it, and that is exactly what this fantasy is about. Feel free to ask what that looks like at a meeting.
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