Daddy dom traits: how to recognize a good one
Daddy dom traits, from care to calm. How to recognize a good daddy dom, and which red flags you should take seriously.
Glossary
FRIES
Five letters that turn an abstract idea into something you can run through in an exciting moment.
What is FRIES?
FRIES is an English memory aid for good consent, created by Planned Parenthood. The letters stand for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. If a yes does not meet all five, it is not real consent.
| Acronym | stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific |
| Category | a model for consent |
| Creator | Planned Parenthood |
| What it is | five conditions that good consent meets |
| Related to | enthusiastic consent and the safeword |
| Key point | miss one of the five and it is not consent |
What the five letters mean
FRIES sums up five conditions that a real yes meets. According to Planned Parenthood, which came up with the acronym, and the explanation from UCSB Health & Wellness, the letters mean:
- Freely given: without pressure, manipulation, or fear of the consequences.
- Reversible: you can change your mind at any moment, even if you said yes earlier and even once it has already started.
- Informed: you say yes based on honest information, so lying about a condom, for example, means it is not consent.
- Enthusiastic: you actually want it, not because it is expected of you.
- Specific: yes to one thing is not yes to another, because kissing is not a yes to sex.
Why FRIES is handy
FRIES suddenly makes an abstract idea checkable. Instead of ‘was this okay?’, you run through five points, and the moment one is missing you know the yes was not real. For you that is a handy reminder in an exciting moment: does it feel free, can you still back out, is the information right, do you really want it, and is it exactly about this. FRIES is only a memory aid and not a contract. Consent stays a conversation that keeps going, not a list you tick once and then forget.
What I see myself
In my work I use FRIES without calling it that. I pay the most attention to the E and the R: is your yes really enthusiastic, and do you know you can stop at any moment. A hesitant yes is a no to me, and I say so. Saying that out loud is exactly what lets the rest of the evening relax.
Sources
- Sexual consent. Planned Parenthood. Establishes that Planned Parenthood created the FRIES memory aid and what the five letters stand for: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
- Consent. UCSB Health & Wellness. Explains that consent can be remembered with FRIES: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
Related terms
FRIES is a model for consent, the core beneath everything that happens on this site.
- Consent. The pillar: FRIES is the handy summary of it.
- Fawn response. Why a yes is sometimes not free or enthusiastic, even when it sounds that way.
- Safeword. How you put the R of reversible into practice.
- Aftercare. The care afterward, as a complement to the agreement beforehand.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about FRIES.
What is FRIES?
FRIES is an English memory aid for good consent, created by Planned Parenthood. It stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. If a yes does not meet all five, it is not real consent.
What does FRIES stand for?
FRIES stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. Together they are the five conditions that a real yes meets. If one is missing, the enthusiasm for example, then it is not consent.
Who can you turn to with questions about FRIES?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He works with exactly these five points in practice and pays the most attention to enthusiasm and to the fact that you can stop at any moment. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about consent
This page gives the term. These articles show how consent works in practice, before and during a meeting.
DDlg punishment and rewards: what works, what doesn't
DDlg punishment is a consequence you both agree on in advance. Why rewards work better, real examples and where the limit is.
DDlg rules: examples and how to agree on them
DDlg rules give your play something to hold on to. Examples of rules and rewards, and how to agree on them, keep them few and adjust them.
Starting DDlg: how to talk about it together
Starting DDlg begins with a conversation, not a scene. How to bring it up with your partner, what to agree on first, and how the first time goes.
Medical play without the white coat: the exam is the scene
The most-played form of medical play uses no instrument at all. What happens instead, why lying still works, and where the law begins.
Want to know more
Still have questions about FRIES?
I am Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. A hesitant yes is a no to me, and I say so out loud. Want to know how I handle consent in practice? Just ask your question, no strings attached, and I will reply at your own pace.