Medical play without the white coat: the exam is the scene
The most-played form of medical play uses no instrument at all. What happens instead, why lying still works, and where the law begins.
Glossary
FRIES
Five letters that turn an abstract idea into something you can run through in an exciting moment.
What is FRIES?
FRIES is an English memory aid for good consent, created by Planned Parenthood. The letters stand for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. If a yes does not meet all five, it is not real consent.
| Acronym | stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific |
| Category | a model for consent |
| Creator | Planned Parenthood |
| What it is | five conditions that good consent meets |
| Related to | enthusiastic consent and the safeword |
| Key point | miss one of the five and it is not consent |
What the five letters mean
FRIES sums up five conditions that a real yes meets. According to Planned Parenthood, which came up with the acronym, and the explanation from UCSB Health & Wellness, the letters mean:
- Freely given: without pressure, manipulation, or fear of the consequences.
- Reversible: you can change your mind at any moment, even if you said yes earlier and even once it has already started.
- Informed: you say yes based on honest information, so lying about a condom, for example, means it is not consent.
- Enthusiastic: you actually want it, not because it is expected of you.
- Specific: yes to one thing is not yes to another, because kissing is not a yes to sex.
Why FRIES is handy
FRIES suddenly makes an abstract idea checkable. Instead of ‘was this okay?’, you run through five points, and the moment one is missing you know the yes was not real. For you that is a handy reminder in an exciting moment: does it feel free, can you still back out, is the information right, do you really want it, and is it exactly about this. FRIES is only a memory aid and not a contract. Consent stays a conversation that keeps going, not a list you tick once and then forget.
What I see myself
In my work I use FRIES without calling it that. I pay the most attention to the E and the R: is your yes really enthusiastic, and do you know you can stop at any moment. A hesitant yes is a no to me, and I say so. Saying that out loud is exactly what lets the rest of the evening relax.
Sources
- Sexual consent. Planned Parenthood. Establishes that Planned Parenthood created the FRIES memory aid and what the five letters stand for: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
- Consent. UCSB Health & Wellness. Explains that consent can be remembered with FRIES: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
Related terms
FRIES is a model for consent, the core beneath everything that happens on this site.
- Consent. The pillar: FRIES is the handy summary of it.
- Fawn response. Why a yes is sometimes not free or enthusiastic, even when it sounds that way.
- Safeword. How you put the R of reversible into practice.
- Aftercare. The care afterward, as a complement to the agreement beforehand.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about FRIES.
What is FRIES?
FRIES is an English memory aid for good consent, created by Planned Parenthood. It stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. If a yes does not meet all five, it is not real consent.
What does FRIES stand for?
FRIES stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. Together they are the five conditions that a real yes meets. If one is missing, the enthusiasm for example, then it is not consent.
Who can you turn to with questions about FRIES?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He works with exactly these five points in practice and pays the most attention to enthusiasm and to the fact that you can stop at any moment. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about consent
This page gives the term. These articles show how consent works in practice, before and during a meeting.
Your first time at a play party: what to expect
What happens at a play party, who the DM is, how the house rules work, and why watching is the most normal thing to do all evening.
BDSM fantasy and your partner isn't into it: how to handle it
You have a BDSM fantasy and your partner isn't into it. What you can and can't do, how to have the conversation, and why pushing backfires.
When your date with a gigolo doesn't go as planned
What to do when it doesn't click, you change your mind, or something goes wrong on a date. Your rights, and what it costs you.
Is booking a gigolo cheating? The real answer
Whether it's cheating depends on whether your partner knows and agrees. Why half-knowing isn't real consent, and how to have the talk.
Want to know more
Still have questions about FRIES?
I am Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. A hesitant yes is a no to me, and I say so out loud. Want to know how I handle consent in practice? Just ask your question, no strings attached, and I will reply at your own pace.