Glossary
Domme
One letter different from Dom, and a choice that is more about feel for language than about the role.
What is a Domme?
Domme (Dutch: domme) is the female spelling of Dom, the form of address for the person who takes the lead in a BDSM dynamic. The role is the same; only the spelling marks the gender. The word was probably formed as a quasi-French feminine inflection. Unlike Domina and dominatrix, Domme says nothing about payment.
| Category | the female spelling within the role of dominant |
| Also known as | Domina, dominatrix, Meesteres, Mistress, and the German Herrin |
| The dynamic is called | femdom; Domme is the person, femdom the relationship |
| Required | no; Dom applies according to the encyclopedia on D/s to every gender |
| Paid or not | says nothing about it, unlike dominatrix |
| Not to be confused with | the Dutch adjective domme, as in “een domme vraag” (a stupid question) |
Where the word Domme comes from
The word is young and invented. The English-language encyclopedia calls domme probably a made-up quasi-French feminine inflection of the slang word dom, which is itself the shortening of dominant. So there is no Latin or French history behind it, unlike Domina and dominatrix, which both go back to real Latin words.
Why not every woman chooses Domme
Because it is not required. The encyclopedia on dominance and submission writes that whoever takes the upper position is called Dom regardless of gender, and that Domme is the female variant. The choice between Domme, dominatrix, Dom, or dominant is, according to that same source, mainly determined by personal preference and by what is common in the local scene.
In practice you hear Domme mostly outside the commercial corner. Those who get paid for it use dominatrix or prodomme more often; the encyclopedia notes that dominatrix is in fact little used within the non-professional scene.
Where you come across the word, it usually has a capital letter. That is the same convention you see in the spelling D/s: a capital for the leading side, lowercase for the submissive. In a profile text that reads as “Domme seeks sub”, and as a form of address it sounds like “yes, Domme”, in the place where others use Meesteres or Mistress. Which of those words a woman chooses depends more often on how it sits in her mouth than on what she does.
Sources
- Dominance and submission. Wikipedia. Provides that whoever takes the upper position is called Dom regardless of gender, with Domme as the female variant.
Related terms
- Dom. The word Domme is the female spelling of, with the explanation about the capital letter.
- Dominant. The role itself, and what it asks of whoever takes it.
- Domina. The same role under a Latin title, in Germany mostly professional.
- Dominatrix. The professional variant, for pay.
- Domspace. The state a Domme can end up in during a scene.
- D/s. The relationship in which a Domme holds the D side.
- Femdom. The dynamic in which a Domme takes the lead, and what that role costs.
- Findom. The dynamic in which a Domme is on the receiving side of the money.
- Meesteres. The same word in Dutch, with four hundred years of word history under it.
- Mistress. The English title, and why outside the scene it has become old-fashioned.
- Herrin. The German word, which the scene there uses alongside Domse and Domme.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the word Domme.
What is a Domme?
A Domme is a woman who takes the lead in a BDSM dynamic; the word is the female spelling of Dom. The role is the same as with a male Dom, only the spelling marks the gender. Domme says nothing about payment.
What is the difference between Domme, Domina, and dominatrix?
Domme is the ordinary female spelling of Dom, Domina is a Latin title that in the German-speaking area is mostly professional, and dominatrix stands in almost every use for paid work. Only Domme says nothing about money.
Does a woman have to call herself Domme and not Dom?
No. According to the encyclopedia on dominance and submission, Dom applies to every gender, with Domme as the female variant. The choice between Domme, Dom, Domina, or dominatrix mostly follows personal preference and what is common in the local scene.
Who can you turn to with questions about the word Domme?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He knows the forms of address from practice and is happy to help you think about which one suits you. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free; you do not have to be a client.
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Still have questions about the word Domme?
I am Victor. Not sure which form of address suits you, or want to know how this sounds in practice? Send me a message. You do not have to be a client and there is no price tag on a question.