The art of bondage: play for women in BDSM
Bondage for women: my honest examples, games, and tips for playing safely with rope, trust, and surrender.
Glossary
Bonding
Dutch coined a single verb for this. English never did, so it borrows two: to tie, and to rig.
What is bonding?
Bonding is the act of applying bondage: tying or restraining someone with rope, cuffs or tape. It names the action, not a style or a technique. In plain English the verbs are to tie and to rig, and the person doing the tying is a rigger. Dutch has its own single verb for it, bonderen.
| Plain-English verbs | to tie, to rig; the person tying is a rigger |
| Part of speech | verb, from bondage |
| What with | rope, cuffs, chain, bondage tape, or just a scarf |
| What it leaves out | anything about style, pattern or intensity |
| Main risk | nerve compression, whatever material you use |
What does bonding actually cover?
Bonding is a verb for an action, and that makes it broader than most BDSM terms. Two wrists in a scarf counts. So does an elaborate harness, and so does clipping someone to a bedpost with steel cuffs.
The encyclopedia entry on bondage lists that same range on the material side: rope, cuffs, bondage tape and self-adhesive bandage, alongside chains, handcuffs, thumbcuffs and waist chains. So the word tells you what happens, not how elaborate or how heavy it gets.
What it does imply is consent. Restraining someone without an agreement has a different name.
What applies the moment you start tying?
The moment you start tying, the full rules of bondage apply, even in the lightest version.
How fast it can go wrong is in Cureus. Khodulev and colleagues show that a half-hour suspension can already lead to loss of wrist and finger extension, with a recovery that can take months. In their group the radial nerve was the affected nerve in nine out of ten rope injuries.
In practice, keep a pair of scissors ready, stay in the room, and change position at least once an hour. If you would rather have it done to you than do it yourself, tying is part of a BDSM date.
Sources
- Bondage (BDSM). Wikipedia. Supplies the definition of bondage as consensually tying or restraining a partner, the full overview of materials, and the rules about never leaving someone alone, keeping scissors within reach and changing position at least once an hour.
- Acute Radial Compressive Neuropathy: The Most Common Injury Induced by Japanese Rope Bondage. Khodulev, Klimko, Charnenka et al., Cureus 15(5), e39588, 2023. Supplies the picture of acute compressive neuropathy after suspension, with a recovery that can take months, and the 90 percent share for the radial nerve.
Related terms
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about bonding.
How do you start with bonding?
Small and short. For most people, two wrists in a scarf does the same thing as an elaborate tie. Keep two fingers of room between the tie and the skin, have scissors ready, stay in the room, and ask along the way whether the hands are still warm rather than whether it feels good.
Who can you ask about bonding?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. Bondage is on his yes-list, soft or firm, with real hemp rope. You can put a question to him with no obligation through the contact form, or start with a free chat first.
Blog
Articles on tying someone up
From the first scarf to the Japanese side of it: how you start with bonding, and where it can grow from there.
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Related service
Bondage on a BDSM date
Tying is on my yes-list, soft or firm, with real hemp rope. The service page lays out how we agree beforehand how far it goes.
BDSM date
Book a BDSM date with a gigolo who has 25 years of experience. Safe, intense, always within your limits, from soft bondage to dominance.
Want to know more
Still have questions about bonding?
I'm Victor. I've been tying for twenty-five years now, and it's the part I've grown slowest at. Want to know how to start? Send me a message. No obligation, and I'll message you back whenever it suits you.