Objectification in BDSM: the longing to be an object of desire
Objectification in bdsm can feel freeing instead of degrading. How surrender as an object works, and why it stays safe with mutual respect.
Glossary
Degradee
The role that gives up the most control, and that therefore depends most on who is on the other side.
What is a degradee?
Degradee is the role of the person who is put down during a scene: the receiving side of degradation. The word comes from the archetype list of the BDSM test and is used untranslated in Dutch. There is no Dutch word for it. The counter-role is called degrader.
| Dutch term | degradee. It is an English loanword used in Dutch with no separate translation. |
| Counter-role | degrader |
| Belongs to | degradation (Dutch: degradatie) |
| Where you find the word | the archetypes of the BDSM test |
| Biggest vulnerability | depending on the care of the other person |
What the role involves
A degradee gives up control and self-image, and that is the difference from other submissive roles. Hébert and Weaver describe, in their interview study of nine dominants and twelve submissives, that submissives describe themselves as people who are willing to give up control and want to please the other. Giving up that control is also what they name as the specific payoff of the submissive role.
What it gives is, for most degradees, rest. Not having to be anyone for a while frees up energy, especially when a lot is asked of you outside the bedroom.
Where the role leaves you vulnerable
The same study names three problems that belong specifically to the submissive role: vulnerability, bad dominants, and following orders and accepting decisions. With degradation all three weigh heavier, because the game works with words, and words linger longer than a bruise.
On top of that, the meaning is not fixed. The encyclopedia holds that humiliation is not inherent to an act or an object, but takes on meaning through the shared interpretation of the participants. For a degradee that means: you help decide what a word does, and so the word list ought to be yours too. If you arrange a BDSM date with me, you make that list and I stick to it.
Sources
- Perks, problems, and the people who play: A qualitative exploration of dominant and submissive BDSM roles. Ali Hébert & Angela Weaver, The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality 24(1), 49–62, 2015. Interviews with nine dominants and twelve submissives; supplies the self-description of submissives, giving up control as the payoff, and vulnerability, bad dominants, and following orders as the sticking points.
- Erotic humiliation. Wikipedia. Supplies the finding that humiliation is not inherent to an act or an object but arises in the shared interpretation of the participants.
Related terms
- Degradation. The practice this role belongs to, with the research and the agreements. The English word is degradation; the Dutch is degradatie.
- Degrader. The counter-role, and what it asks of a person.
- Aftercare. The part that takes longer for a degradee than with other power play.
- BDSM test. The questionnaire the archetype comes from.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the degradee.
What is a degradee?
A degradee is the person who is put down during a scene: the receiving side of degradation. The word comes from the archetype list of the BDSM test and is used untranslated in Dutch. The counter-role is called degrader.
What does the degradee role give you?
For most degradees, rest: not having to be anyone for a while. Hébert and Weaver found in their interview study (2015) that submissives name giving up control as the specific payoff of their role. The same study names vulnerability, bad dominants, and following orders as the sticking points.
Who can you turn to with questions about the degradee role?
Victor, gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. Anyone who wants to try this role usually wants to know first how you keep it safe, and he talks about that with no obligation. Ask your question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about the receiving side
This page describes the role. What it feels like from the inside to be put down is in these articles.
The power of shame in BDSM
Sharing shame in BDSM with your partner builds trust and brings emotional release. How to do it safely, with consent and aftercare.
Learn more
Still have questions about the degradee role?
I am Victor, gigolo. Anyone who wants to try this role usually wants to know first how you keep it safe. Feel free to ask me your question. No obligation, I will text you back whenever suits you.