Handler

What is a handler?

Handler (Dutch: begeleider) is the participant who stays human while the other plays an animal. In petplay the handler takes on the role of owner and dominant: leading, training, caring, and watching the time and the safety. In horse roleplay the same function is usually called trainer.

What a handler does

A handler does not step out of the human role. Langdridge and Lawson describe the handler in Archives of Sexual Behavior as the one who stays human and takes the role of dog owner or dominant, with the responsibility for the pup added on. That responsibility is practical: they watch the safety and the passing of time while the pups play, and help with stepping into and out of the role by lacing a hood, pulling on mitts or changing tone.

In the community itself it sounds more down to earth. The standard joke the researchers recorded runs that a handler is no more than a walking backpack with water in it.

Why people choose the handler role

The appeal is in making it possible. Someone can only let go if another keeps an eye on the world, and that is exactly what the role involves. One of the handlers in the study described how his pleasure shifted from dominance and control to the ability to help others.

Two things come with it that sound less appealing. The role does not give the relaxation the pup gets, Langdridge and Lawson write in so many words, and handlers are on average older: in the survey of 733 practitioners, choosing the handler role was linked to a higher age group, and some pups only move to this side to show newcomers the ropes.

What you watch for

• Say in advance what is and isn’t part of it. The description of pup play puts it plainly: sexual and non-sexual parts are discussed beforehand, so expectations don’t drift apart.
• Remember that you can’t force anything. One participant put it that pups are not slaves: you can ask them something and tempt them with a reward, but a handler cannot compel.
• Handle the boring things. Water, knees, breaks and a clock. Someone playing on hands and knees notices too late that the body is spent, so that is your job.

Where this fits on my site

If you’d like to experience for once what happens when someone else takes the lead and the watching for a whole evening, that is simply roleplay with a division of responsibility. The page about the BDSM date sets out how such an evening is built up and what is agreed beforehand.

Sources

• The Psychology of Puppy Play: A Phenomenological Investigation. Darren Langdridge & Jamie Lawson, Archives of Sexual Behavior 48(7), 2201–2215, 2019. 68 written descriptions and 25 interviews; supplies the description of the handler as the one who stays human in the role of owner or dominant, the responsibility for safety and time, the help with stepping into and out of the role, the joke about the walking backpack with water, and the finding that the role gives the handler no relaxation of their own.
• Findings From a Community Survey of Individuals Who Engage in Pup Play. Liam Wignall, Mark McCormack, Taylor Cook & Rusi Jaspal, Archives of Sexual Behavior 51(7), 3637–3646, 2022. Survey of 733 practitioners; supplies the split of 71.9 percent pup, 9.7 percent handler and 18.4 percent both, and the link between a higher age group and the handler role.
• Pup play. Wikipedia. Supplies the other names for the dominant role (trainer, master, alpha) and the rule that sexual and non-sexual parts are discussed beforehand.

Related terms

• Animal play. The umbrella the handler role falls under, with puppy play and ponyplay as the best known forms.
• Dominant. The broader role a handler is a form of, but with a counterpart who does not talk.
• Collar. The collar that in puppy play marks the crossing into the role.
• Aftercare. Coming out of the role, which in practice the handler is the first to notice.
• Kitten play. The animal role in which the handler role asks the least obedience and the most patience.
• Owner. The role that does claim ownership alongside it, and so runs on beyond the play session.
• Petplay. The branch of animal roleplay in which a handler most often appears.
• Puppy play. The form in which a handler is most often addressed. Trainer, the name the same role carries in ponyplay, is not in the A to Z list and is explained on this page.