Glossary
Polybomb
The image of a bomb for the moment someone drops their wish for polyamory on a monogamous partner out of the blue, and why the term is contested.
What is a polybomb?
Polybomb (also polybombing) is telling your partner, suddenly and without warning, that you want polyamory, usually inside a long monogamous relationship. The bomb image stands for the shock such an announcement can land. The term is contested, because it gets used both for a genuinely blindsiding approach and, critically, for any time the subject gets raised at all.
| Also known as | polybombing |
| In Dutch | polybom |
| What it is | dropping polyamory on a monogamous partner suddenly and unannounced |
| Category | a term around ethical non-monogamy |
| Where it comes from | after “love bombing”, where “bombing” points at being overwhelmed |
| Contested | the word implies manipulation, even when the conversation is meant honestly |
| Better | raising it calmly, with room to think |
How the term is used
Polybomb has two readings that run together. More Than Two’s poly glossary describes it as dropping polyamory on a partner without warning and out of nowhere, usually in a long monogamous relationship. Journalist Miles Klee explains in MEL Magazine that the word derives from “love bombing”, and that the comparison implies the person raising the subject is manipulating. That is exactly where the criticism sits. The label can dismiss an honest conversation as an attack.
Why how you bring it matters
Whether something feels like a polybomb depends mostly on how and when it happens. Voicing your wish for polyamory is not in itself an ambush. It becomes one when your partner gets no time or room to process what is being said, or when it only comes up after you have already started something with someone else. For the partner hearing it, the ground can drop away. The honest route is the opposite of a bomb: open the subject calmly and leave room for doubt and anger. And accept that the answer can be no. That keeps it a conversation between two people, instead of a done deal the other only gets to process.
Where this fits on this site
Is the wish to open up your relationship alive for you, and are you looking for a sounding board before you have the conversation? Then I will think it through with you, no judgment. I don’t coach relationships, but calmly sorting out what you want is what the conversation beforehand is for.
Sources
- The Monogamous People Who Live in Fear of ‘Polybombing’. Miles Klee, MEL Magazine, 2022. Establishes that the term derives from “love bombing” and so implies that whoever raises the subject is manipulating, which is what makes the term contested.
Related terms
Polybomb is a term about opening up a relationship. The ones below place it in that frame.
- Ethical non-monogamy. The umbrella the wish for more than one partner falls under, as long as everyone consents.
- Polyamory. The relationship form someone drops on the table with a polybomb.
- Poly/mono. The situation that can grow when a monogamous partner gives the other’s wish a place after all.
- Open relationship. A wider form the conversation often leads to.
- Monogamy. The starting point of the partner blindsided by the announcement.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about a polybomb
How do you raise the wish for polyamory without a polybomb?
By opening it calmly and leaving room to think. A polybomb happens when your partner gets no time to process what is being said, or when it only comes up after you have already started something with someone else. Raise it honestly, and accept that the answer can be no.
Who can you turn to with questions about a polybomb?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He doesn’t coach relationships, but he’ll think along without judgment when you want a sounding board before you have that conversation. You can reach him through the contact form or first chat for free, no obligation.
Learn more
Still have questions about a polybomb?
I'm Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. I don't coach relationships, but I'm glad to think along when you want a sounding board before you raise the wish for polyamory. Curious how that goes? Send me a message and I'll text you back whenever it suits you.