Glossary
Orgasm schedule
When you are and aren't allowed to come is set in advance. The tension is in the waiting.
What is an orgasm schedule?
Orgasm schedule is a schedule set in advance that says when someone is and isn’t allowed to come. It is a structured form of orgasm control within a D/s relationship, in which the dominant pours the say-so over the orgasm into a fixed rhythm, for example once a week or only on permission.
| In Dutch | orgasmeschema |
| Category | a form of orgasm control within D/s |
| The core | an agreement that sets when coming is and isn’t allowed |
| Who decides | the dominant, within what was agreed beforehand |
| Related to | orgasm denial, edging and chastity |
| Condition | consent, a safeword and the option to adjust the agreement |
How an orgasm schedule works
An orgasm schedule turns orgasm control into a rhythm. Instead of deciding each time, a couple agrees that the submissive may, for example, only come at the weekend, or only after a number of days of waiting, or only with explicit permission. Agreements like that fall under what researcher Jennifer Rehor, in her survey of more than 1,500 women from the kink community, calls the deprivation category, under which forced chastity and orgasm control expressly fall; almost two-thirds had taken part in it themselves.
Why people do it
The appeal is in the surrender and the waiting. For the submissive, the schedule turns the orgasm into something you earn instead of something you take, and it’s exactly that postponement that charges the tension. For the dominant, the pleasure is in the say-so, something that fits how power play works for dominants. This is consensual play, not coercion. It stands or falls with consent, a safeword and the agreement that the schedule can be adjusted, and long postponement calls for attention to comfort and aftercare.
Where this fits on this site
Power play around control and surrender is among the things I explore with women, always within agreements we make beforehand. An orgasm schedule is an intimate, thought-through form of that. If you want to know how I work with agreements like this, have a look at the BDSM date. Start with a message if you like, then we feel it out together.
Sources
- Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community. Jennifer Eve Rehor, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(4), 825–836, 2015. Provides that 64.75 percent of the 1,580 women surveyed from the kink community took part themselves in the deprivation category, under which the questionnaire expressly counts forced chastity and orgasm control.
- Orgasm control. Wikipedia. Provides the description of orgasm control as a collective name for forcing, refusing, delaying or prolonging an orgasm, the broader practice of which an orgasm schedule is a structured form.
Related terms
An orgasm schedule is a planned form of say-so over the orgasm. The terms below sit around it.
- Orgasm control. The overarching agreement that someone else decides whether, when and how you come, of which an orgasm schedule is the planned variant.
- Orgasm denial. The deliberate absence of the orgasm, often the heart of a schedule.
- Edging. Bringing yourself to just before the orgasm again and again, then stopping.
- Chastity. Withholding sexual satisfaction, which is often enforced with a schedule.
- D/s. The dominant-submissive dynamic in which an orgasm schedule belongs.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is an orgasm schedule?
An orgasm schedule is a schedule set in advance of when someone is and isn’t allowed to come. It is a structured form of orgasm control within a D/s relationship, in which the dominant pours the say-so over the orgasm into a fixed rhythm, for example only on permission.
What is the difference with orgasm denial?
Orgasm denial is the deliberate absence of the orgasm. An orgasm schedule is broader: it sets in a rhythm when coming is and isn’t allowed, so both the moments of abstinence and the permitted moments. Both fall under orgasm control, with consent and a safeword as the condition.
Who can you turn to with questions about an orgasm schedule?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He gladly explores power play around control and surrender, always within agreements made beforehand, with a safeword. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Still have questions about an orgasm schedule?
I'm Victor. I gladly explore power play around control and surrender, always within agreements we make beforehand. Feel free to ask how that works, no obligation, I'll message you back whenever suits you.