Corner time

What is corner time?

Corner time (Dutch: in de hoek staan) is a punishment or moment of rest where the submissive stands or kneels in a corner facing the wall, usually in silence and for an agreed time. Nothing is done to the body; it works entirely through time and attention.

Where it comes from

Corner time is borrowed from parenting, and that is exactly why it works: almost everyone has a memory of it. The related practice from the nursery is the time-out, and that is better documented than you would think. The description of it goes back to Arthur Staats, who came up with the idea for his own children from 1958 on and gave it its name. The core is removing stimuli, not adding something unpleasant.

From that same corner comes the rule of thumb about duration: developmental psychologist Kathleen Stassen Berger keeps to one minute per year of age, with fifteen minutes as an upper limit. That is meant for children, so it does not transfer directly. The thinking behind it does: the effect lies in the interruption, not in the length.

What it does to someone

There are two ways people use it, and they feel completely different.

The first is as punishment. Then corner time belongs to the framework that the description of discipline within BDSM sketches: rules set together in advance, with a consequence attached to them. That same description calls punishment physical, psychological or both, and corner time falls into the second category. Nothing is done; something is taken away.

The second is as a cool-down. After an intense scene, standing still is a way to land without having to talk right away. Then it is not a punishment but a pause button.

That it lands so hard on some people has to do with shame. The overview of erotic humiliation notes that humiliation triggers some of the same brain areas as physical pain. Without touch, without tools. That explains why ten minutes against a wall is nothing to one person and the heaviest part of the evening to another.

What you watch for

The duration is the first thing. Short works better than long; forgetting someone turns a scene into neglect. Set a timer.

The second is the position. Standing upright is fine, kneeling on a hard floor is not after ten minutes, and arms that have to stay raised make it a stress position. That is allowed, but then other rules apply.

The third is the ending. Say out loud that it is over. Someone who has to guess whether it is finished stays stuck in the scene. On a BDSM date I agree that ending with you in advance, so you never have to guess when it is over.

Sources

• Time-out (parenting). Wikipedia. Provides the origin with Arthur Staats from 1958 on, the description as temporarily removing stimuli, the rule of thumb of one minute per year of age according to Kathleen Stassen Berger and the upper limit of fifteen minutes.
• Discipline (BDSM). Wikipedia. Provides the framework of rules set together in advance with an attached consequence, and the distinction between physical, psychological and mixed punishments.
• Erotic humiliation. Wikipedia. Provides the definition of erotic humiliation as consensual psychological humiliation for the sake of arousal, and the finding that humiliation triggers some of the same brain areas as physical pain.

Related terms

• Corporal punishment. The punishment with a blow; corner time is often the lead-in or the closing of it.
• Spanking. What corner time most often follows in practice.
• Funishment. The counterpart; corner time rarely works for that, precisely because there is nothing to experience in it.
• Humiliation. The broader field that corner time is one of the mildest physical forms of, and the reason a corner in the room without touch can weigh so heavily.
• Ignore play. The same silence, but with the other person in the room not responding.
• Punishment. The consequence that corner time is one form of, and what that word brings with it.