Glossary
Kink-friendly
For anyone who wants to be open about kink somewhere without having to explain or defend it.
What does kink-friendly mean?
Kink-friendly is an attitude or policy in which kink and BDSM are accepted without judgment. A therapist, doctor, venue, or event is kink-friendly if you can be open about your preferences there without having to explain or defend them.
| Also known as | open about kink, kink-positive |
| Category | attitude or policy around kink and BDSM |
| Not to be confused with | kink-aware: that goes a step further, with real knowledge of kink rather than only acceptance |
| Where you find it | care providers, doctors, venues, parties, and dating profiles |
| Key point | friendly means open and non-judgmental, not necessarily expert |
How kink-friendly relates to kink-aware
Kink-friendly is the entry rung on a ladder of openness. In the widely used framework from psychologists Keely Kolmes and Geri Weitzman, a kink-friendly care provider is someone who may have no training or experience with BDSM, but keeps an open attitude and commits to not judging. A step further is kink-aware: someone who sees BDSM as a normal part of the sexual spectrum and can tell healthy play apart from non-consensual abuse. One step beyond that is real expertise, with experience and schooling. So kink-friendly is the floor: safe to be open, but not automatically expert.
Why kink-friendly matters
If you want to be open about your preferences, you do not want someone to be startled by them or to treat them as a problem. Research by Kolmes and colleagues shows how real that fear is: of 175 people with BDSM experience who sought therapy, 65 percent shared their preference with the therapist, while almost three-quarters were not even in therapy for that reason. For you, kink-friendly means you do not have to hide yourself to be taken seriously. One caveat, though: friendly is not the same as expert. If your question is really about the kink itself, you are better off finding someone who is kink-aware.
Where this fits with me
With me you do not have to explain or defend anything about your preferences. If you want to quietly feel out first whether that holds true, you can do that in a conversation beforehand. On the page about the conversation beforehand you can read how that works, without committing to anything.
Sources
- A Guide to Choosing a Kink-Aware Therapist. Keely Kolmes and Geri Weitzman, 2010. Describes the distinction between a kink-friendly care provider (open and non-judgmental, but not necessarily trained) and a kink-aware care provider (with real knowledge of BDSM).
- Investigating bias in psychotherapy with BDSM clients. Kolmes, Stock & Moser, Journal of Homosexuality, 2006. The survey of 175 people with BDSM experience who sought therapy, with the finding that most shared their preference even when it had nothing to do with why they came.
Related terms
- BDSM. The practice a kink-friendly attitude most often concerns.
- Kink. The broader concept; kink-friendly says something about how someone deals with kink.
- Consent. What a kink-friendly person puts first: agreement as the line between play and abuse.
- Kink discovery. Why a non-judgmental setting matters especially when you are still exploring your own kinks.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about kink-friendly.
What does kink-friendly mean?
Kink-friendly means open and non-judgmental about kink and BDSM. A therapist, doctor, venue, or event is kink-friendly if you can be open about your preferences there without having to explain or defend them. It says something about the attitude, not necessarily about the knowledge.
What is the difference between kink-friendly and kink-aware?
Kink-friendly is an open, non-judgmental attitude that needs no knowledge of BDSM. Kink-aware goes a step further: that person knows the practice and can tell healthy play apart from abuse. Friendly is the floor, aware is the knowledge on top of it.
Who can you turn to with questions about kink-friendly?
Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist, with whom you do not have to explain or defend anything about your preferences. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or start with a free chat.
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Still have questions about kink-friendly?
I am Victor, a gigolo and psychotherapist. With me you do not have to explain or defend your preferences. Send me a message and I will text you back whenever it suits you, without judgment and with no obligation.