Domina

What is a Domina?

A Domina is the title for a woman who takes the dominant role. In English she is usually called a dominatrix, and in the scene also a domme. In German-speaking countries the word has shifted almost entirely to its professional meaning. In Dutch it is used more broadly, including for women who do this privately and earn nothing from it.

How the title Domina is used

Domina almost always stands in front of a name. Not “she is a Domina”, but “Domina Vera”, the way a title grows onto a name.

That use comes from the commercial corner. The German-language encyclopedia describes a Domina as a woman who offers femdom for payment: BDSM practices in which the woman takes the dominant role. The same text notes that commercial dominants also put titles like Herrin, Mistress, Göttin and Lady in front of their name, and that the work usually takes place in a studio with a fitted dungeon.

Outside that commercial corner it is different. In the non-commercial BDSM subculture, Domina is actually unusual as a label for a dominant woman; there she is more likely called Herrin, or loosely Domse or Domme. So someone who runs into the title in an advertisement is reading something other than someone who hears it on a private evening.

A Dutch reader sits exactly between those two uses. Here Domina turns up both in a profile text and in a conversation between two people at home, and the context decides which of the two meanings is in play.

Where the word Domina comes from

Domina is simply Latin, and it originally meant something domestic.

The dictionary of Lewis and Short gives domina as the feminine form of dominus and describes her as the mistress, the one who rules or commands, in particular within a household. The same dictionary lists two other uses that complete the picture: domina was a title for ladies of the imperial house, and at the same time a term of endearment for a wife or lover.

That combination is striking. Authority and affection were already in the Roman word, and that is roughly the tension the title still carries today.

The Dutch confusion comes from the same stem. The word dominee is, according to the encyclopedia, a corruption of the Latin vocative domine from dominus, and for a female minister the abbreviation da. is used. One Latin root, two worlds that never meet.

Why women choose this title

Because the word needs no explanation.

Dom is read by many people as male, even though officially it is not. Domme solves that in written English and sounds awkward in Dutch, where it collides with “domme”, meaning stupid. Mistress is heavy and carries a note of ownership. Domina is what is left: short, unambiguously feminine, and with enough Latin in it to sound serious without being stern.

What it delivers depends on who uses the word.

• For the woman herself the title is a frame. As long as she is addressed that way, it is clear which role is in play, and that saves negotiating during the scene.
• For the person surrendering, saying the title does more than hearing it. It is a small act by which you put yourself into the role.
• For a couple doing this at home it is useful because it can switch on and off. The title starts when it is used and stops when it drops away.

A title guarantees nothing. Someone who calls herself a Domina has no experience or safety knowledge by that fact alone. Nothing has been agreed about aftercare yet either. That is still something you check for yourself.

Misconceptions about Dominas

“A Domina is always paid.” In German-speaking countries that is nearly true, in Dutch it is not. Here women with no commercial intent at all use the title too.

“Domina and dominatrix are the same word in two languages.” Almost. The meanings overlap strongly, but dominatrix in English carries the profession and the imagery that goes with it, while Domina in Dutch is also just a form of address.

“A Domina does pain.” Not necessarily. The title says something about who is in charge, not about what happens. That can be strict, and it can consist of nothing more than commands and waiting.

What I see myself

I’m Victor, a gigolo, in the BDSM world since 1990 and with a background as a psychotherapist. I’m not a Domina myself and I never will be: I play the other side. What I do have is a long line of conversations with women who are considering going that way.

They think first about clothing and about a name. What they do when someone bursts into tears halfway through comes much later. And that second thing is the actual craft.

I also notice that the title often sounds heavier in Dutch than intended. Someone says “I’d quite like to be a Domina” and means: I want to decide what happens for one evening. That is a fine starting point and it needs no title at all.

What you can do yourself

• Ask about experience and aftercare before you book someone with a title. The title itself is free to choose, the knowledge behind it is not.
• Say the title out loud if you use it at home, including the moment it stops applying.
• Look at the language of the advertisement if you are searching in Germany. There Domina points to professional work, with a studio and a rate.

More on Dominas

On this site the role itself is worked out at dominant, dominatrix covers the profession behind the English term, and the blog category on dominance describes how power exchange between two people works.

Off this site, the entry for domina in Lewis and Short gives the original Latin meanings, including the quotations from Cicero and Ovid in which the word appears.

Sources

• domina. Lewis & Short, A Latin Dictionary, via the Perseus Digital Library. Provides domina as the feminine form of dominus, the meaning mistress of the household, the use as a title for ladies of the imperial house, and as a term of endearment for a wife or lover.
• Domina (BDSM). Wikipedia (German). Provides the professional meaning of Domina in German-speaking countries, the titles Herrin, Mistress, Göttin and Lady, the studio with a dungeon, and the observation that the title is actually unusual in the non-commercial subculture.
• Dominee. Wikipedia (Dutch). Provides the origin of dominee from the Latin vocative domine of dominus, and the abbreviation da. for a female minister.

Related terms

• Dominant. The role itself, apart from gender and title.
• Dominatrix. The English term, and the profession that sits under it.
• Dom. The short form that is often read as male.
• Domdrop. What can happen afterwards to the dominant party, whatever the title.
• Domme. The same role in the English spelling, without the commercial weight.
• Femdom. The relation in which a Domina is the leading side, apart from the title.
• Mistress. The English word alongside the Latin one, with four hundred years of its own history.
• Prodomme. The same professional group under the word they use themselves.
• Herrin. The German word, coined in the sixteenth century to translate exactly this Latin title.