Dominance: Giving Up Control or Taking It

Dominance is about power. Who leads, who follows. For one person nothing feels as freeing as handing over the reins completely. Another comes alive the moment she takes control and sets the direction. Neither one is stronger or weaker. It is a role the two of you choose together, and one you can adjust again at any moment.

The two sides usually go by dominant and submissive. The dominant partner leads, sets the tone, decides what happens. The submissive partner makes room for that and finds calm in letting go. It sounds like a contradiction. And yet the one who surrenders keeps a firm hold on the reins: nothing happens unless you want it to. That agreement, made beforehand, is what keeps it from being a struggle. It turns into a game.

By Victor, gigolo in Amsterdam.

So why does this pull at so many people? For the one who takes the lead, the thrill is in being seen, in the trust that someone gives herself over to you completely. For the one who lets go, it is pure relief. All day long you make the calls, at work, at home, everywhere. And then, finally, nothing left to decide. No agenda, no choice fatigue. Someone else carries the weight. All you have to do is feel.

The payoff reaches past that one evening. Through this game you often discover what you actually need. One person learns to ask. Another learns to name a limit out loud, without any shame about it. If daily life always casts you as the strong one, here you finally get to be soft. That grates at first, it really does. And it clears the air the moment you notice something simple: surrender is not weakness. It is a gift. You give it only to someone you trust completely.

Here I write about what dominant and submissive roles truly involve, and how you figure out which side fits you. Above all about the ground underneath it: clear agreements up front, a safeword you both know, and aftercare you never skip. Handling risk on purpose, in full consultation, is what carries every power game. Without that base it stops being a game. With it you can go anywhere: gentle, strict, teasing, intense, exactly the way the two of you want.

Do you already recognize yourself in one of the two sides, or are you simply curious how it feels in practice? I am glad to think it through with you, during a BDSM date or just in a conversation beforehand. Send me a message on WhatsApp, no pressure and no obligations, and I will reply when it suits you. Want to look ahead right now? You can book me as your gigolo.