Sex

Sex is allowed to be simple, but it rarely stays that way. So much rides along with it. Desire that spills over one week and goes missing the next, a thread of insecurity, and that quiet question of what you actually enjoy most yourself. For most people that last one is the hardest, because it is rarely something you were encouraged to talk about openly, at home or at school.

What is it really about, at its core? About touch, longing, and the feeling that you get to be fully with someone for a while. Sometimes that is fiery and fast. Sometimes it is slow, almost lazy, curtains drawn and the phone left in another room. Neither one is better. What matters is that it feels right for you, in that moment, with that person.

By Victor, gigolo in Amsterdam.

Why is it worth paying closer attention to this? Because pleasure grows the moment shame shrinks. When you dare to name what feels good and what does not, the tension you carried beforehand often fades, and something lighter takes its place. You do not have to perform. There is nothing to achieve. There is only something to discover, and you get to do that by trial and error.

The payoff is not only between the sheets. People who talk openly about desire usually find it easier afterward to talk about the rest too: about boundaries, about what they miss, about what they need in order to feel safe. That trust seeps into the whole relationship. A good conversation in bed can echo for a week, in the best way.

Here I write openly and without judgment about sex. About desire and pleasure, about what works and what does not between two people. And above all, how you discover, at your own pace, what fits you, without needing a manual for it.