Female fantasies

Women fantasize just as richly as men do. It gets talked about far less, which leaves a lot of women convinced they are the only one with a particular dream running through their head. They rarely are. From letting go completely to holding the reins yourself, all sorts of things are allowed to hum away in there. And the fact that it turns you on says nothing else about you.

What is a fantasy, really? An inner film, nothing more. Something you play out in your head because it feels good, not because you necessarily want to live it out. That distinction matters. The woman who dreams of handing over all control often stands perfectly firm in her real life. The fantasy is a holiday from the everyday, not a wish straining at the leash.

By Victor, gigolo in Amsterdam.

So why does it pull so hard? For one woman it is the rush of surrender: having to do nothing for a while, being led, being adored without owing anything back. For another it is the exact opposite, the thrill of running the show and watching someone ache for her. What almost always comes back is the need to be wanted for who you are, and not for how you are supposed to look.

The real reward is dropping the shame. The moment a woman discovers that her dreams are normal and simply allowed to exist, something in her relaxes. She dares to look at herself with more curiosity. Some share something with their partner for the first time and find the other person does not flinch but moves closer instead. That conversation sometimes changes more than the fantasy itself.

Here I write without judgment about what women dream of and why those fantasies are allowed to be there. And above all: how you explore them at your own pace, calmly, and with respect for your own limits.