Anna is married to a gigolo #2: first BDSM date

This column first appeared on &C.

Now that the kids are on holiday with her ex, Anna* has her first date with Victor. She is a bundle of nerves, but determined to explore her BDSM side.

It was early February, yet my hands were clammy in the car. The whole way there I kept asking myself whether I should just turn around and drive back home. I parked in front of Victor’s door and let my eyes run over my new outfit one more time: a long skirt with a fitted top. Earlier that day my colleagues had showered me with compliments. ‘Wow, you look great today,’ I heard more than once. Secretly I had to giggle. Oh, if only you knew what I am doing tonight.

I gathered up my courage to get out of the car and ring the bell. Within a few seconds a handsome man opened the door. He came across as friendly and calm, but he also had a ‘solid’ presence about him. Not the type to let people walk all over him. I stood at his door, hesitating. Do I shake his hand? Or give him a kiss? The tension must have been written all over my face, because Victor grinned and pulled me into his arms. ‘Come in, let’s head inside. Sit on the couch a bit and just land.’ Simply come to rest and nothing more. That sounded good. With a cup of tea I flopped onto the couch and slowly felt the stress slide off me. Victor and I chatted about everything: my interest in BDSM, the divorce, our work. I don’t think I had ever talked to anyone so easily and so comfortably. When a silence fell, he leaned in and kissed me. Gently at first, then more intensely.

Then he sent me to his bedroom and my nerves started climbing again. Victor has been in the BDSM world for a long time and had a whole cupboard full of gear. Handcuffs, whips, ropes, candles. There was everything you could think of. We started carefully and agreed on a safeword. If I did not like something, or it got too intense? Then we could stop at any moment. Victor used different whips and checked how each stroke landed on me. Fuck, this is what I had been missing. My insecurities about my body vanished in a single stroke. Funny, really, that I am a mother in my forties with two kids and my body no longer looks like a twenty-year-old’s. This man took in every centimeter and seemed completely unbothered by a bit of a roll here or some stretch marks there.

Sex with Victor felt incredibly good and safe. I could only have dreamed of an introduction like this. Afterward I was completely gone, floating in a kind of bubble. Against the original plan, I fell into a deep sleep in his bed. There was no one waiting for me at home anyway. When I headed home in the morning, we agreed to see each other again. Back in the car a strange feeling crept over me: you know, I would wish sex with a man this wonderful on every woman, I thought to myself.

To be continued.