Yes, men have fantasies too

We talk a lot about what women want. Men carry a whole world of fantasy too, and most of it never gets said out loud. Here is a broad look at the kinds that come up most, and what they tend to say about desire underneath.

The everyday kinds

• Trust and surrender. Fantasies where the woman takes a dominant role, holding control over the situation or over him.
• Sexual exploration. Scenarios where she is open to new experiences, different places, different roles.
• Romance and connection. Fantasies built around a deeper emotional bond, with love and intimacy at the center.
• Seduction. Being drawn in playfully or challengingly by her, which builds a tension of its own.
• Adventure. New and exciting situations experienced together, like traveling or discovering something new.

When another man is part of it

Fantasies where a woman is involved with a man other than her partner can hold several elements at once.

• Sexual tension. The thought of another man can stir jealousy or arousal, which sharpens the fantasy.
• Exploring desire. The idea of her exploring her sexuality and wishes with someone else can be exciting.
• The pull of the forbidden. The appeal of something seen as taboo can play a big part.
• The role of the other. The other man is often an archetype, the “bad boy” or someone with specific qualities that make the fantasy attractive.
• The idea of sharing. For some, the thought of sharing a partner is arousing in itself.

What sits underneath

• Jealousy and arousal. Many men feel a mix of the two. It can give a sense of competition and raise the arousal at the same time.
• Losing control. The fantasy can turn on the idea of letting go of control, which leaves room to explore emotions that usually stay unspoken.
• Reassurance. The idea that another man is drawn to their partner can reassure a man about her attractiveness and worth.
• Forbidden fruit. Breaking a social norm or a limit can carry a strong charge on its own.
• A way to look at sexuality. It can be a way to explore what sex means to him, trying on scenarios and roles without any need to make them real.
• Thinking about connection. Some men imagine the emotional connection their partner might have with another, which pushes them to think about their own relationship and how deep it runs.

These fantasies are complex, and they often reveal deeper desires and needs, separate from any real relationship or situation. Naming them out loud, gently and without pressure, is usually the first step to understanding what they are really about.