Anna is married to a gigolo #4: ‘It is hard to lie in bed alone’

Jealous of your partner’s client? That feeling is normal, even when you fully support his work. It often rears its head the moment one date seems to mean more to him than the rest. Here Anna feels that jealousy for the first time, when Victor meets Bianca, an experienced play partner.

This column first appeared on &C.

Anna and Victor share a secret: Victor works as a gigolo. Anna has no trouble sharing her husband with other women, until the day he meets Bianca. What that arrangement is called in the glossary you can read under non-monogamist.

I look at Victor sitting on the couch. He is happy, because for the first time he has a date with a woman who is experienced in the BDSM world. Bianca is looking for someone to play with, yep, that is what they call it in BDSM, do not ask me why, now that her own partner is out of the picture. Victor’s whole business grew out of the wish to one day become a professional Dom (a man who takes on the dominant role in BDSM activities, ed.), so this date makes his wish come true. Bianca books Victor straight away for the entire night. I have no trouble with his work, but after several dates where he has been away for a night, I notice that sometimes I still find it hard to lie in bed alone.

The next day Victor walks into the house beaming. ‘Was it good?’ I ask him. With a big grin he answers a wholehearted ‘yes’. All at once I notice something shifting inside me. I do not recognize this feeling yet, I have never had it with his other dates. When I ask why it was so good, he tells me he really enjoyed the intense BDSM play. I remember that before our relationship he was seeing someone he could play hard and rough with. He loves that, but my pain threshold is too low for it. Pain can be pleasure, though only up to a point. I know that what Victor enjoys most is finding the other person’s limit, and beyond that it does not really matter to him how rough it gets, but now I see a glimmer in his eyes that I have not seen before.

It stirs up a lot in me. It makes me instantly insecure, and I wonder whether he is really getting enough of what he needs from me. What does this mean for our relationship? I keep walking around with my doubts for a few days. Because yes, I set him on this path, and it feels like I cannot start complaining now. Oh well, maybe it stays at one date and I will not have to have the conversation with Victor, I soothe myself. But no such luck. It does not stay at one. After a few days Bianca lets him know she wants to meet Victor again. Their first date did her so much good. She wants more. Shit. Right away I see that damn glimmer in his eyes again as he tells me. He wants more too. And my insecurity? It rears its head all over again.

After their second date Victor comes home just as radiant. My hope that the second time would be a letdown is dashed on the spot. While I listen to his story about their date, I notice my attention going mostly to what is happening inside me. I know I have to do something about it now. ‘Victor,’ I sigh, ‘there is something I need to talk to you about.’

To be continued.