Anna is Married to a gigolo #6: ‘The BDSM parties we go to are exciting’

This column previously appeared on &C.

Anna and Victor strengthen their bond, precisely because of his work as a gigolo. The conversations they have about it give their relationship more depth.

Since I met Victor, I know what it feels like to be given genuine attention, without judgment. I feel much freer in my body now that I have given my own sexuality a place in my life. A large part of the insecurities I had about my body have disappeared. I am not a size 34, never have been and never will be. That is fine: I got to carry two children in this body and I look good. I notice that in my work and my relationships too I know far better what I want, and that I dare to stand up for what I believe.

I love the intense sex, with and without BDSM. When we play together, it is often with all kinds of whips and being tied up. Yet there is plenty of laughter too. Like when he has tied me to the bed and then starts tickling the soles of my feet. So maddening that I cannot do a thing about it. I love it when we take a whole afternoon and evening just for ourselves. The play has grown rougher over the years, and honestly I find that really hot. He suddenly drags me upstairs and throws me onto the bed. Before I even realize it, my clothes are half off, his fingers are inside me and he is hitting me hard with his favorite whip. There is no time to think. All I can do is let it wash over me and surrender to the play.

The BDSM parties we go to are exciting too. The first time, I was so incredibly nervous. I had no idea what to expect there or what would happen. Now I know how good it feels there: you can be who you are and you do not have to pretend to be anything else. Some parties are smaller, with about twenty people, and at others there are as many as a hundred. Usually you come with your BDSM partner; some come alone. Everyone changes into clothing that fits the setting: from beautiful lingerie to short skirts and leather harnesses. At the parties you can watch others and play yourself. That can be with your own partner, but also with strangers. Anything is possible, as long as there is consent.

I believe in the power of sexuality that is set free when you embrace your own form of sexuality and go for it. I hear it back in Victor’s stories too. When he tells me about the women he has been on a date with. You are seen for who you are, without judgment, and you radiate that in the time afterward. That I get to hear those stories still feels like a little gift.

This is the reason I married this man. Somewhere in the middle of all of it, we did that too. Just like that, on a Tuesday, off to the town hall with our witnesses. Almost no one knows yet; that is the surprise we are going to share at our wedding party. Because we are still going to celebrate it, once we have been married exactly a year. Then everyone gets to know who I am: Anna, wife of Victor.

But Victor’s secret? That we keep to ourselves.

The end.