Friends with Benefits: the perks, the downsides, and a smarter alternative

You just finished another series where two friends decide to give it a try. No labels, no obligations, the odd night together. Sounds wonderfully light. And sometimes it is.

But before you text your best friend asking whether the two of you should try it, let me walk you through the perks and the downsides of friends with benefits. I’m Victor, a gigolo in Amsterdam, and I see this trade-off more often than you’d think. There’s an alternative that sounds dustier on paper, yet in practice tends to be the more honest one.

The upsides of friends with benefits

No romantic obligations. Nobody asks you where this is going. No dinner with the parents, no relationship talk at eleven at night. You meet up when it suits you both, and that’s it.

Familiar ground. You already know each other. No awkward first-date feeling, no nerves about what to say. You already know he makes jokes nobody else gets, and that he loves that one film you’ve never seen. That makes it easier to relax physically too.

Temporary, and that’s fine. Not every phase of your life calls for a relationship. Sometimes you just want warmth, skin against skin, without it having to lead anywhere. That’s a perfectly legitimate need, not a flaw.

The downsides of friends with benefits

This is where it often pinches.

Jealousy creeps in. You thought you had your feelings under control, until you catch him flirting with someone else at a party. Suddenly it feels like you’re fourteen and your best friend is chatting with somebody new during the break. You can’t lie that feeling away.

The conversation nobody wants to have. What happens when one of you does start to feel something? Who says it first? How many times do you repeat “we’re just friends” before it turns uncomfortable instead of reassuring? There’s a word for that first rush, by the way: NRE, and it’s measurably temporary.

Mismatched expectations. This is the real trap. One of you thinks it stays casual, the other secretly hopes for more. Without an honest talk beforehand, without clear agreements, you walk straight into disappointment. This is exactly why I always believe in explicit consent and clear boundaries, outside the bedroom too: say out loud what you want and what you don’t, before it goes wrong, not after.

You can lose a friendship. The biggest risk. When the arrangement collapses, sometimes the friendship collapses with it. And you don’t find good friends at the supermarket.

Why hiring is sometimes the more honest alternative

So now you know the snags. Why would a gigolo be a good alternative, then? A few reasons, without the fuss.

First, no hidden agenda. We both know exactly where we stand, discussed in advance, no guesswork afterward. That isn’t coldness, it’s clarity, and clarity is a form of respect.

Second, discretion. What happens between us stays between us. No rumour going around your circle of friends, no awkward friend request from someone you’d rather not see on your timeline.

Third, experience. I’ve been doing this for twenty-five years, and I’m also trained as a psychotherapist. That means I sense what someone needs without you having to spell it out. No clumsy feeling around. Just attention, and the time you need.

And sometimes it’s simply nice to have a present, relaxed companion for that work party, that dinner, the wedding you’d rather not walk into alone. You get a gentleman with a wink, exactly as serious or as light as you want to keep it.

A dinner that goes further than dessert

A dinner date with me is more than a meal. We go to a good restaurant, I actually listen, and we talk about something that interests you, whether that’s politics or just a strange anecdote from your work week. No silence over the wine glasses.

No tension, either. You don’t have to prove anything or impress anyone. The evening is yours. Want to walk along the canal afterward, or sit somewhere quiet by a fireplace instead? We’ll arrange it.

Can you have the best of both worlds?

Maybe you’re thinking: can’t I just try to combine the two? You can, but remember the downsides we went through. With me you get the perks without the risk of a ruined friendship or an awkward conversation about feelings nobody saw coming.

Friends with benefits sounds tempting, especially in a time when nobody seems to have time for anything traditional. But real life is messier than the Netflix series lets you believe.

With me there’s nothing to prove and nothing to be ashamed of. Wanting attention, touch, or just an evening where you’re not on your own for once, that’s human. Whatever you’re looking for, you can simply say it out loud, and then we’ll look together at what fits.

Want to talk it over quietly, no pressure? Send me a message, I’ll just text you back calmly, or see straight away how to book me as a gigolo. If you’re after more than an evening out, take a look at intimate togetherness.