Relsub

What is a relsub?

Relsub is a Dutch scene word for a submissive who teases and challenges, and just barely disobeys, to draw out a reaction. The word is a contraction of rel, a racket or a scuffle, and sub: a sub who kicks up a fuss. The international counterpart is the brat.

Where the word relsub comes from

From the scene, not from a dictionary.

Relsub is Dutch scene slang with a wink. Rel means a racket or a scuffle, and a relschopper is someone who makes trouble on purpose. Stick sub on the end and you are left with a sub who does exactly that: dig in to get a reaction. No one can be named as the inventor and no dictionary knows the word. It is the Dutch version of the English brat, which has caught on internationally.

Why someone is a relsub

Obeying does not come naturally to everyone, and that is the point.

A relsub goes looking for the line because the resistance itself is the fun: the tension of the challenge, and the moment the other person steps in. According to the encyclopedia, a brat is a sub who behaves disobediently or mischievously on purpose to provoke a reaction, and the person who responds is called a brat tamer. For you that means an active role instead of a waiting one. For the other person it is an invitation to take the lead. It only works as long as it stays clear that the resistance is play. A relsub does not play with the real safe word. That stays, as the encyclopedia describes, the tool the submissive can use to bring everything to a halt.

Where this fits on this site

If you are a relsub like this, or suspect you might be, the question is mostly who responds to it well. I like pushback as long as it is play, with a clear agreement underneath. The BDSM date page shows how I go over that beforehand.

Sources

There is no scholarly literature and no dictionary entry for the word relsub itself. It is scene slang. For the role it points to, there is a common description.

• Glossary of BDSM. Wikipedia. Supplies the description of a brat as a sub who behaves disobediently, mischievously or unmanageably on purpose to provoke a reaction, and the point that the one who responds is often called a brat tamer.
• Dominance and submission. Wikipedia. Supplies the function of the safe word: it is given to the submissive to keep the other person from crossing physical and emotional limits, with red, orange and green as the common system.

Related terms

Relsub is the Dutch name for a brat; the pages below are about the same role and the play around it.

• Brat. The international word for exactly this role.
• Brat tamer. The one who answers a relsub’s challenge.
• Bratting. The behavior itself: digging in on purpose as play.
• Submissive. The broader role a relsub is a pronounced variant of.
• Funishment. What the challenge usually aims at: a consequence that is really a reward.
• Topping from the bottom. Steering that was not agreed, and where relsub behavior falls outside it.