For you, slowed down but not stopped
Companionship for older women, without it being care
Someone who makes time for you, asks about your stories, and takes care of the rest.
Sound familiar?
You manage just fine. And yet
Hi, I’m Victor. Let me say right away what this isn’t: it isn’t care, and it certainly isn’t pity.
You keep up your home, you have your routines, and you don’t complain easily. You do talk to people: the neighbor, someone at the bakery. (A coffee morning at the community center is not for you, you’ve known that for a long time.) But that’s different from someone who really has time for you. Someone who sets aside time for you, without you having to chase it.
You have a life full of stories. It’s just that hardly anyone asks about them anymore. When someone asks how you’re doing, you say you’re fine, even on days when the afternoon seems to go on forever. And sometimes, out of habit, you set out two cups, and a few minutes later you put one back in the cupboard.
Maybe this sounds familiar
No new messages
In the morning you check your phone. Nothing. That doesn’t mean anything, you know. Still, the day isn’t anchored to anything yet.
The brochure for that exhibition
You’d love to go. Only on your own it feels less worth it, and the brochure goes back on the pile.
Better not call
You think of your daughter. She’s busy enough already, so you don’t call.
The radio on
Not even for the news. Mostly because voices in the house are nice.
No more driving at night
The concert starts at eight. Driving home in the dark doesn’t appeal to you, so you stay home.
"Oh, that's no problem"
When a plan gets moved, that’s what you say right away. Even though you’d been looking forward to it for days.
This is about being seen, not about help
You’re not someone to feel sorry for, and this page isn’t about that. It’s about someone who still wants to hear your stories and asks questions about them. Someone you say yes to that concert with again, because you don’t have to walk in alone.
You’ve slowed down, not stopped. That’s a big difference.
My training is in psychotherapy, but I don’t offer care or help. I’m not a nurse and not a handyman. What I give you is presence: time and attention. No help, then, but certainty. You know who’s coming, and when.
If nothing changes, the calendar gets emptier and the days at home get longer. The brochures stay on the pile. None of that is fixed. You’re allowed to say you miss company, and there’s nothing pitiful about it.
Saying yes to an invitation again
Picture this: the exhibition from that brochure. I pick you up, we walk through it at our own pace, and afterward we have coffee while you tell me what that one painting reminded you of. I ask follow-up questions, because I really want to know.
Or a concert, or your niece’s birthday party that you otherwise would have skipped. A short trip is possible too, or that opera that’s been on your list for years. You can read more about that on traveling together. Leave the logistics to me, including the drive home in the dark.
A regular rhythm often works well: every week or every month, something to look forward to. Usually it stays at companionship. Tenderness isn’t ruled out if you ever want it, because age is no limit there.
More about companionship on its own, or about every kind of companionship.
Did your husband die, and is that where the missing sits? Then companionship after loss fits better. If it is one evening with an invitation attached, read never arrive alone.
Want to get acquainted first?
A message or a phone call is enough. A cup of coffee as a first date is perfectly fine, and someone from your family is welcome to come along.
Why me
I’m in my early fifties, polite, and I’ve been through a thing or two myself. Bartender? Check. Management consultant? That too. A PhD, two books written, and a soft spot for the mountains. So you don’t have to do all the talking: I enjoy telling you something in return. In English, or in Dutch or German if you like.
My background as a psychotherapist shows in something small. I know when to talk and when you’d like some quiet.
There’s no agency in between. You always get me, so I quickly become a familiar face.
How it works
From a first meeting to a regular rhythm
A message or a call
From you, or from your son or daughter. A few sentences are enough.
Getting acquainted, with whoever you want there
A cup of coffee near your home. Feel free to bring your daughter or a friend.
Choosing something together
A walk, a museum, or dinner. You say what sounds nice, and I take care of the rest.
A regular rhythm, if you like it
Every week or every month, on a set day. That way you have something to look forward to.
Outings and short trips
A concert, a family party, or a few days away. Everything can be discussed, nothing is required!!
If you need to cancel
If it doesn't work out one time, let me know as soon as you can. Then we'll find a new day together.
Reliable, and discreet
Your first name is enough
I don’t need to know more than that to set up a date.
Nothing saved
I hold on to nothing we write, and I keep no client file.
A plan is a plan
I show up on time and I do what I say. You’ll notice that at the very first cup of coffee.
Always the same man
There’s never an unknown colleague. You know exactly who’s at the door.
Family can check in
Feel free to let your son or daughter know where you are. A quick call during our date is always fine.
Cash or bank transfer
Cash is fine. By bank transfer, your statement says coaching.
"Yes, but..."
- “I’m not someone to pity, am I?” No. This is about being seen and heard, not about being looked after. Your stories deserve a listener.
- “Won’t it be awkward at first?” Maybe for a moment. Usually by the first cup of coffee you notice how nice a real conversation feels again.
- “What would I do with a younger man at the table?” That difference actually works. I ask questions you didn’t know you still had an answer to.
- “Is he some kind of caregiver?” No. I don’t run errands or do chores. I’m there for the company.
Arranging this for your mother? Then I’m happy to talk with you first, and after that always with her directly. She decides whether she wants this. Some children give it as a gift, for example a concert or a day out that she should experience once in her life.
- “Why doesn’t one of us just go with her?” Because nobody has time for that week after week, and that’s no criticism. An outsider also avoids arguments about whose turn it is.
- “Can I talk to you myself first?” Yes. Message or call me, or simply come along to the first meeting.
Women who felt at ease with me
Victor is a sweet, reliable man who has no hidden agenda and keeps to his agreements. I felt enormously at ease with him. On top of that, the personal contact via WhatsApp beforehand is also really nice, so that (especially for a first meeting) you're not immediately facing a complete stranger. Victor is wonderful to cuddle with.
Victor is an attentive, intelligent man with a good sense of humor. His calm presence combined with his humor gives you a safe feeling. He senses your mood flawlessly and, in his own unique way, knows how to create a pleasant atmosphere. He respects his date, her boundaries and wishes.
I didn't know what to expect when I reached out to you, but what you gave me was more than I could ever have thought. You were more tender than I could have imagined, more understanding, more caring, more genuine. I felt so seen and so heard and so cared for.
Slowed down, not stopped
Send me a message, or have your son or daughter do it. We’ll start with a cup of coffee and see what you’d enjoy. What you write reaches me alone.
Have a moment in mind? Let me know right away.
Frequently asked questions
What women and their children often ask me
How do I arrange companionship for my mother, and can I talk to you first?
Yes, gladly. You can message or call me, and you’re welcome to come along to the first meeting. After that I always talk with your mother directly, because she decides.
Can it become a regular weekly moment?
Yes. A set day each week or each month often works best. That way it’s simply on the calendar, and you have something to look forward to.
Will you come along to a family party or a performance?
Yes. I’ll come along to a concert or a family party, and I take care of transportation. So you don’t have to walk in alone, or drive home in the dark.
What if I have to cancel at the last minute?
Then let me know as soon as you can. We’ll find a new day together, and you don’t need to apologize.
How far do you travel?
I come to you, wherever you live. We go over what that involves in our first conversation.
Is this a kind of care or home help?
No. I’m not a nurse and not help around the house. I come for companionship and attention.
Does it stay between us?
Yes. I don’t keep our messages, and I don’t talk to anyone about who I see. What happens to your data, I lay out on my privacy page.
How do I get my desire back after menopause?
Your desire isn’t gone, it has only grown quieter. You might think that time is behind you, but it isn’t. For most women that longing comes back the moment they feel seen and wanted again. Being touched without it having to lead anywhere, and getting the time to not have to do a thing.
That is exactly what I bring. I don’t set the pace, you do. We start small, with a conversation and maybe a hand on your back, and we see together what wakes up on its own. The fact that you’re here already says it’s still there. Want to just talk it over first? One message is enough.