Your review

Why your review helps other women

I can put on every page that you’re safe with me. That I take my time, that I do nothing you don’t want. But why would she believe me. That’s why your review is the only thing on this site that really matters to her, because you’re the only one with no reason at all to make it prettier than it was.

And think for a moment about who that “she” is. Someone who has maybe been carrying this around for months. Sometimes years. Who has opened this site ten times and clicked away again. Who mostly thinks: am I the only one who wants this, and what does it say about me? You can help her, because you stood exactly where she stands now.

And often her question isn’t even whether she wants this anymore. She’s had several thoughts about it and just doesn’t know who she dares to start with. That’s what you can help her out of. You’ve already made that choice once.

What it comes down to

I’d like to ask you a favor. Write a little something about how it went for you, from the first message right through to the aftercare. And whether you really felt that click.

That’s the whole request. Everything further down is only there to help you on your way with it.

The aftercare is just as much part of it, because that’s how she can tell she isn’t a transaction. What happened when it was over, and how we said goodbye. Whether you heard from me afterward.

Finding it hard to write? Then put it down in rough words, or record it as a voice message. Then I’ll make a readable whole out of it. It’s not about pretty language, it’s about an honest review.

That’s all it is.

Don’t write to me

This is the only real piece of advice on this page. Don’t write to me, write to her. To that one woman who’ll be sitting here reading this with her phone flat on the table, so no one can see along.

Two things do most of the work.

Be honest, put any doubt and worry you had into it. A review without doubt reads as advertising and gets skipped. The very part where you didn’t yet know whether you dared is where she recognizes herself.

One concrete moment is worth more than ten pretty words. “It was fantastic” tells her nothing. “He saw my hands were shaking, said nothing about it and just went to make tea” tells her everything.

And above all, leave in what went sideways. What you or I did clumsily, or what we had to laugh about.

I don’t want an advertisement. I want your version.

What happens to your text

I post it word for word. Nothing cut and no spellcheck. Not even if there’s a typo in it, and not even if there’s criticism in it. What you write is what goes up.

Which name goes underneath is up to you: your first name, or a name you make up. Either is fine.

And you can always withdraw it. One message and it’s gone, without me asking why.

The questions

Take your time with it. The questions are there to help you on your way, not to be worked through: take what stirs something and leave the rest. It’s not about the length, it’s about your honesty and your experience.

1. Where you stood before you sent anything

• How long had you been carrying this around, and what held you back?
• What did you think would happen if you got in touch?

2. How that first contact went

• How did it feel to type that first message?
• What didn’t happen afterward that you had been afraid of?

3. One moment from the evening itself, concrete

• Which moment stayed with you? Exactly that one.
• Did you feel the click, and how could you tell?
• As far as you want to go yourself: when did you feel safest, or what may she know about how it went physically?

4. What you took away from it

• How did we say goodbye, and did you hear from me afterward?
• What did it bring you? In the short and the longer term?

5. If I wasn’t the only one you looked at

• Did you look at others too, or already have contact somewhere else? What happened there, or didn’t?
• Why did you end up with me in the end and not with him?
• Had you been with someone before? Then this is the most valuable part of your whole review: what went wrong there, and what felt different with me? How exactly could you tell that difference?
• What did you not have with me that bothered you with someone else?

You don’t have to name any names or agencies. It doesn’t have to be about him either. Write down what you were looking for, and where you finally did find it. She’s sitting there right now with that same row of tabs open and has to pick one of them today or tomorrow.

6. What you say to her

• Who is this for, and who is it not for?
• What do you say to the woman who is unsure right now and reading this?