When your date with a gigolo doesn’t go as planned

Most evenings go well. But the question that keeps women awake isn’t about how things go when they go well. It’s about what happens when they don’t. And that rarely gets an honest answer, because nobody likes to advertise the scenarios where it goes wrong.

Below are all four of them, with what you can do and what it costs you.

Scenario 1: it just doesn’t click

This is by far the most common one, and it’s the least bad.

Often it isn’t really a chemistry problem, it’s nerves. Give it twenty minutes and a drink before you conclude anything about it. For almost everyone it settles once it turns out there’s no rush. What feels in the first five minutes like “this is going nowhere” is usually your own nervous system.

If it keeps grating, you stop. Then I only charge the costs already made: travel, a hotel if there was one. Nothing else. Pushing on because it’s booked anyway gets nobody anywhere.

What reduces the chance of this most: call or video-call beforehand, and pay attention above all to whether the conversation flows on its own. That tells you more than photos or texts.

Scenario 2: you change your mind

Halfway through, or the moment you walk in. That’s allowed, and it’s more ordinary than you think.

A yes can always become a no, without a reason too, even if you said something different an hour ago. You don’t have to explain what changed and you don’t have to make up for it afterward. One word is enough.

What happens after that is up to you: keep talking, tea, or saying goodbye. What doesn’t happen is me trying to talk you round, or the mood turning.

This is also why we agree on a safeword beforehand. Not because I expect you’ll need it, but because it’s easier to say something when you know it’s already been agreed.

Scenario 3: a boundary gets crossed

The scenario that’s feared most and talked about least.

With me it works through a traffic-light system: green is keep going, orange is softer or a short pause, red is everything stops at once. If you can’t speak, we agree on a gesture: three squeezes, or dropping something you’re holding.

If something does happen that you didn’t consent to, that’s not a grey area. You stop, you leave, and you don’t have to explain anything. If it stays with you afterward, even if you doubt whether it was “bad enough”, you can turn to the Centrum Seksueel Geweld (the Dutch Centre for Sexual Violence) on 0800-0188. Free, day and night, and years later too.

What you can do beforehand to make this less likely: choose the place and time yourself, and set up a safety call with a friend. In that first conversation, notice too whether the other person asks about your boundaries. Someone who doesn’t do that before the date won’t do it during the date either.

Scenario 4: something gets in the way

On your side: rescheduling is fine, let me know as early as you can. Any deposit simply moves with it. Only with a last-minute cancellation can I not always undo costs already made. Up to 24 hours beforehand, the first cancellation is free.

On my side: it’s rare, and it happens. Illness, bad luck, something nobody counted on. You hear that straight from me and not from a staff member, and together we find a new time. No stand-in shows up at your door. That’s exactly one of the things that’s different from an agency.

What can surface afterward

Even if the evening went well, a dip can come a day or two later. Restless, sad, with no clear reason. That’s called subdrop, it’s normal after intense closeness, and it says nothing about the evening.

I tell you beforehand what to watch for, and you’re welcome to message me in those days. The aftercare continues; it doesn’t stop at the front door.

The common thread

Almost everything above can be prevented or softened with the same three things: call or video-call first, say beforehand what you don’t want, and agree on how you stop.

That isn’t exciting and it isn’t romantic preparation. It is the reason the evening itself can be relaxed, because everything said beforehand doesn’t have to be brought up while it’s happening.

How the booking works from there is on Booking, and what’s arranged for your safety is on Safety.

And above all, remember this: none of these scenarios costs you anything beyond the costs already made. There’s no penalty for changing your mind, no conversation where you have to justify it, and no provider who can decently make a fuss about it. Anyone who does has handed you the answer straight away to the question of whether you were in the right place.