Checking into a hotel

Checking into a hotel on your own is completely normal and completely legal. You book the room, you decide who comes up, and a short visit that does not stay the night is nobody’s business but yours. Here is how to keep it calm and simple.

Before you check in

A few women told me that check-in suddenly got made complicated when they stood at the desk alone. Questions they would never get on an ordinary trip. That is annoying, especially when you are already a little tense, and there is no reason for it.

So I will walk you through it. From the easiest case, where you barely have to do anything, to the rare moment when a front desk really wants to dig deeper. You will see that in the vast majority of cases you notice none of this.

And above all, remember this. You are doing nothing that is not allowed. The room is yours, the evening is yours, and who you receive in your own room is nobody’s business.

Why a hotel sometimes makes a fuss about this

It might sound strange, but it is not about you. Desk staff are trained to spot signs of exploitation and human trafficking. A woman who checks in alone and gets a visitor later sometimes lands on that list, so they ask an extra question. Clumsy, but it comes from a good place.

Something worth knowing: paid intimacy is fully legal in the Netherlands as long as you book the room yourself and decide yourself what happens. So there is nothing illegal about our date, and nothing you need to hide. The only thing a hotel wants to rule out is that someone is being forced into something. You are the living proof against that, because you arrange all of this yourself.

That makes the rest a lot lighter. You do not have to lie and you do not have to be on your guard. All that counts is knowing what you do and do not have to say.

The easiest route: say nothing about me

The simplest route is also the nicest. Book the room in your own name, check in the way you would on any other trip, and keep me completely out of the picture. You do not have to say anything about me at the desk, because I belong to your private life, not to your reservation. If someone asks whether you are expecting a visitor, you just say no.

Once you are inside, you text me your room number and I come up. If the elevators or the hallway doors only work with a keycard, let me know. Then you pick me up in the lobby, or we agree that I walk up with you the moment you head upstairs. Small detail, sorted in a second.

A hotel registers guests who stay the night, not short visits. If you say you are checking in alone and your guest is not staying over, there is usually nothing left to ask.

If they do ask for a name

Sometimes a front desk still wants to note down a name for whoever is coming by. If you cannot get around it, keep it simple: Victor Black, my coach from Amsterdam, here for a life coaching session. No more explanation needed, and the shorter and calmer you keep it, the more ordinary it sounds.

You do not have to memorize this or rehearse it. It is just in case, and nine times out of ten it never even comes up.

Questions you might get at the desk

If someone does press further, it is usually a few standard questions. They look firmer on paper than they are in person. You can answer them briefly and warmly, and a little vague is fine too. You never have to explain your private life.

Keep in the back of your mind why they are asking: they want to rule out trafficking. That is a decent aim. With that in mind you will answer them a lot more easily, because you know it is not aimed at you.

• “Are you traveling alone?”
• “Is the room booked for yourself?”
• “Did you make the reservation yourself?”
• “Who is paying for the stay?”
• “How long are you staying?”
• “Are you here for work or vacation?”
• “Are you expecting anyone else in the room?”
• “Do you have access to your own ID, phone, and personal belongings?”

A short answer is enough for almost all of them. Yes, I am traveling alone. Yes, I booked it myself and I am paying myself. That last question, whether you can get to your own belongings, sounds odd, but that is exactly how they rule out someone being under pressure. A calm yes settles that worry on the spot.

And whether you are expecting anyone in the room? You just say no. You do not have to announce a visitor who is not staying the night, and that takes almost every follow-up question off the table.

What a hotel may ask, and what it may not

Let me lay out the facts so you know where you stand. For an overnight stay a hotel has to record some guest details. That includes your name, your hometown, your occupation, the type of ID, and your arrival and departure dates. That is simply the law, and it applies to everyone who stays the night somewhere.

The extra questions are more nuanced. A hotel may ask them, but you are not obliged to answer every personal question.

You do not need to have all of this ready to make your case. It is mostly reassuring to know the law is on your side, should anyone give you a hard time.

If they want to see my ID

This is the rarest case, and the trickiest one too: a front desk that wants to see the ID of whoever is coming by. The important thing to remember is that this registration duty covers guests who stay overnight. I am not staying the night, so in most cases there is no reason at all to record anything about me.

If you do run into this, your strongest answer is the same as before: it is a short visit, he is not staying overnight.

But honestly, you will almost never have to have this conversation, it is just handy to keep in the back of your mind. If I simply walk up with you or you text me your room number, it never comes up at the desk. And if you are dreading it or do not know the hotel: let me know beforehand. Then I will think it through with you about where we meet, so you do not have to worry about this for a moment.

You are not on your own with this

On paper this seems like a lot. In practice it almost always runs smoothly, and you notice none of it. Most women just check in, send me their room number, and that is the end of it.

Unsure about anything, or want to agree beforehand how we handle it? Send me a message on WhatsApp, or if you would rather type first without giving your number, an email works too. We will sort it out together, calmly and your way, so you step into the elevator feeling good.