Questions About Safety

Yes, and that isn’t a promise but the whole setup. We spell out beforehand what does and doesn’t happen, you put it in writing in the consent form, and you can change it along the way. No never needs explaining. I won’t test whether it might happen anyway, and I won’t circle back to it later in the evening.

Then you say stop, and it stops. With me that isn’t theory: we agree on a safeword beforehand, and for BDSM we work with green, orange, and red. Red means everything stops at once, no discussion and no need to explain why. After that we wind down slowly.

Often, yes, and that surprises people. On a date everything is unwritten. You don’t know what the other person expects, how to get out of it, or who he even is. Here it’s all set beforehand, including what won’t happen. You’re not buying a surprise, you’re buying clear agreements.

Of course, and it’s a normal thing to ask. I get tested every six months and I’m open about it; ask me and you’ll get the result. If a provider gets irritated by the question, you’ve just gotten a different kind of answer.

Yes, and I encourage it. Arrange for a friend to call or text you at an agreed time. That can happen right there in the same room; you don’t need to disappear to the bathroom for it. Share your location with her through your phone if you like. I see it as good sense, not distrust. The safety call is one of the points on the safety checklist, which lays out for each stage of the date what you can check.

By seeing him move and hearing him talk first. A five-minute video call before you book does more than ten photos: a face is easy to fake, a conversation much harder. At an agency you usually speak to a staff member beforehand and not the person who shows up, so ask about that explicitly.

Mood shots and illustrations come from a stock site on almost every website, mine included, so a stock hit there means nothing. What matters are the photos meant to show him. Run a reverse image search on those: drag a portrait into Google Images or TinEye. If it comes back as a stock model or on profiles under a different name, you know enough. It costs you two minutes and filters out most of it. Whatever is left you check with a video call.

The strongest signal is that you write and call directly with the person themselves, with no one in between making the arrangements or handling the money. Feel free to ask how long someone has done this and why. Someone who is free answers without hesitation and without a third party reading along.

With me that doesn’t come up, because I come to you or we meet at a hotel you know or booked yourself. I don’t invite anyone to my home. If you do have to go to an unknown address with someone else, never do it without someone knowing where you are. What to check best before that first time is on the safety checklist.

That works fine, and plenty of women choose it precisely because they feel more at ease at home. You only give your address shortly beforehand, and you can still switch to a hotel if home feels too close after all. I arrive discreetly and in ordinary clothes. Still unsure, then run through the safety checklist before you share your address.

No, then we don’t meet. Not out of judgment. I take your safety and mine seriously, and with an STI or HIV that weighs more with me than the date itself. What I ask of you is that you’re honest about it. Just tell me beforehand, and you’ll know right away where you stand.

With me, always for penetration, and I bring them myself. For oral the honest answer is that in practice it doesn’t happen everywhere, not even in clubs. That’s exactly why you have to say what you want yourself: don’t assume that someone else’s norm is your norm.

I bring condoms and always use them, so that part is handled. With consistent condom use the chance of pregnancy is very small, and if you use contraception yourself as well, that chance is negligible. If you’re still unsure afterward, the morning-after pill is available at any pharmacy without a prescription.

Get tested. It takes little effort and removes the uncertainty, which is usually the real problem. Your GP is always an option; at the GGD (the municipal health service) it’s free if you meet the conditions. Keep the window period in mind: most STIs can only be detected reliably after two weeks, HIV after six.

Paid sex between adults is allowed. Sex businesses with a premises need a municipal license; an independent worker who visits the client usually falls outside that. What is forbidden everywhere is coercion, minors, and human trafficking. As a client you are never breaking the law.

Legal means: adult, voluntary, and without someone else profiting from it through coercion. It becomes illegal with minors, with coercion or trafficking, or with a business operating without a license where one is required. So the difference is in voluntariness and age, not in the act itself.

That almost never happens, and as a client you’re not breaking the law. Checks focus on exploitation and unlicensed businesses, not on the visitor. So there’s nothing to fear except the awkwardness of the moment. And you don’t have to report anything anywhere, not beforehand and not afterward.

Yes, as long as you do the three things that really matter: call or video-call first, choose the place and time yourself, and let someone know where you are. The rest is comfort. What goes wrong in this line of work almost always goes wrong before the date, not during it. Those three points, and everything else you can run through stage by stage, are on the safety checklist.