Questions about privacy and discretion

The chance is small, and you make it smaller yourself. Pay cash and nothing shows on your statement. There’s no name, no address book, no mailing list, and I keep nothing that can be traced back to you. What usually happens in practice: someone tells it themselves in the end, to one friend. And that reaction almost always turns out fine.

No. A first name is enough, and it doesn’t have to be your real one. I don’t press for more and I check nothing. I don’t need your surname, address, or work to arrange a date; only if I come to your home do I eventually need an address, and that can be shortly beforehand. Whatever you do share, I don’t keep.

I’d prefer it, honestly. A free email address you use only for this, or a second SIM card, is the most practical way to keep this separate from your everyday life. I don’t find that strange and I won’t ask about it. Just make sure you check that mailbox regularly, otherwise you’ll miss my reply.

What happens between us stays between us. Your details go nowhere and I keep nothing that can be traced back to you. Pay cash and nothing appears on your bank statement; by bank transfer it only shows “coaching”. A first name is enough. Photos serve only to recognize each other and I never publish them. That way you stay as anonymous as you want to be.

By concrete measures, not by the word discreet itself. Ask how payment works, whether your details are kept, and whether a first name is enough. Safety sits in the same corner: you choose the place and time, you only pay on the spot, and you’re free to let someone know where you are. That last one shouldn’t be up for discussion.

Anonymity isn’t a certification mark, so look at what’s actually arranged. Three things decide it: whether you have to give your real name, whether your messages are kept, and whether there’s a way to pay without a trace. If one of the three is missing, “complete” is a big word. With me: a first name is enough, I keep nothing, and cash or Bitcoin works.

That’s only possible if there’s something to use, and that’s where your protection sits. Don’t give a surname, don’t give an address you don’t have to give, and never let photos or video be made. Pay cash and there’s no transaction. On top of that, with me nothing is kept: no messages, no photos, no file.

Completely, and for you that just takes a few extra arrangements beforehand. No meeting in a hotel bar where you could be seen, but straight to the room or to your home; arrival and departure separately; I dress like any other man on the street. Want a cover story in case someone asks, then we’ll settle that together.

The neighbors see nothing unusual: I arrive quietly, plainly dressed, with nothing that draws attention. To anyone who sees me arrive, I’m simply a visitor. If there are children or housemates at home, we pick a time or a place where you feel free. If home doesn’t feel convenient, a neutral hotel is easily arranged.

Use a private window and don’t log in to your Google account; then the search isn’t linked to your profile. On your phone it works the same way. If you share a device or Wi-Fi with someone else, use mobile data instead of home Wi-Fi, and turn off autocomplete.

Recognizing you might happen, approaching you I won’t. If I run into you somewhere, I don’t greet you and I act as if we don’t know each other, unless you start. That’s the standard agreement and it holds even years later. Reaching out myself I won’t either: after the aftercare, the next move is yours.

I don’t. I delete messages as soon as the date has happened, and photos you send to recognize each other go right after that. They’re stored nowhere, not in a folder and not in a backup. What’s on your own phone stays there, that side is up to you. Want me to wipe something sooner, just say so.

No. There’s no database and no CRM. No mailing list either, and certainly no list of birthdays. What I need for a date sits briefly in my phone and then goes. That also means the next time I’ll ask some things again. That isn’t disinterest, that’s the result of keeping nothing.

No. No photos, no video, no audio recordings, not even for yourself. That goes for both of us: I don’t make them either. Once an image exists, there’s a risk neither of us can undo, and that’s why this agreement is firm. What you can do is write something about it yourself afterward.

Discretion and safety are two different things. Discretion is about whether anyone finds out; safety is about what happens during the date. For the second one: you choose the place, you only pay on the spot, and a safety call with a friend is fine right there in the same room. The full story, including STIs and legality, is on Safety.