Anna has been feeling jealous for a while about Victor’s date with Bianca. After their second meeting, she decides to talk to him about it. And she finds it so nerve-wracking…
I sit down with Victor on the couch. This is one of those moments I really don’t want to have together. I was so sure this wouldn’t happen. And yet, I can no longer deny the jealousy I feel. I take a deep breath and start the conversation. ‘Honey, I’m struggling with your dates with Bianca. I notice that it makes me jealous,’ I blurt out. My heart races in my throat and nervously I tap my foot on the floor. ‘You always have that sparkle in your eyes when you meet with her and you were so eager about that second date. I just notice my insecurity surfacing.’
While I nervously tell my story, he listens attentively. Victor doesn’t interrupt me even once and lets me finish speaking until I have said everything I wanted to say. ‘What makes you feel insecure?’ he wants to know. ‘I think it’s my fear that I’m not enough for you. That I can’t offer you what you need,’ I say while staring at the floor. As soon as I raise my head, I see Victor looking at me affectionately. ‘There really has never been a woman who fits as well as you do. I don’t know anyone else with whom I match emotionally, intellectually, and sexually like with you,’ he says. Then smiling: ‘And you know I have quite a bit of comparison material.’
Yes, I do indeed know that. I know how many dates and relationships he had before we got together. There were really quite a few, and he didn’t marry any of them. But he did marry me. I feel space opening up again. I tell him about the part of playing harder, and he reassures me about that as well. ‘It’s fun to do that occasionally, but that’s not what BDSM is about for me,’ he says. ‘For me, BDSM is about playing at the other person’s boundary; that’s where I get my pleasure and excitement from.’
I also mention that I’ve noticed he’s gone out more and more often lately—at least once a week recently. For me, that’s just a bit too much. He immediately checks his calendar and starts rescheduling appointments. Early on in his career as a gigolo, he said this would never come between us. ‘Because you mean way too much to me for that.’ It’s wonderful to now realize that he means it. That he adjusts his schedule, understands how things might feel for me, and acknowledges it. This is so healing.
To be continued.